Frostbite
by Ninazadzia
Summary: What started as a few too many drinks on her eighteenth birthday morphed into Dawn's worst nightmare. The eighteenth year of Dawn's life was her darkest, yet she managed to find happiness. Multiple shippings, yet one prevails. No smut or lemons. *COMPLETE*
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hello everyone! Surprised? Well…let's just say I'm almost done writing Notes and Roses (for those of you that need to know, this chapter was written on February fifth), and I'll just say that I'm getting really SICK of that story . I decided I'd try my hand at a Dawn love triangle; there will be no definite ship until the end, so you'll just have to wait and see how this plays out!

Love,

Vikki

Killer Hangover+Ash Ketchum=Crap…

Waking up in the morning with a killer hangover and Ash Ketchum in the same bed as you told you that something had gone _very _wrong.

Dawn lightly poked Ash in the shoulder, seeing if he would stir. He just kept snoring like he was a dead man.

Dawn shook her head, partially trying to erase the pain of her hangover, but mostly trying to reorient herself. She looked around the room; where the hell _was _she, anyway. The last she remembered, Brock had passed her a weird looking drink…

_Oh, _she thought. _Right. Dumbass me. _

This was just the after affect of her eighteenth birthday 'party;' that much she'd managed to remember. The rest was an entire blur…she thought, trying to remember exactly what happened. She backed her memory up to where it was less foggy, when she had first walked through the doors of the Pewter gym. She nodded slowly; Brock had hosted her party. She remembered trying a drink…she nodded her head again, realizing that she'd gone for another…and another…

_Damn, _she thought. _How much did I drink?_

She shook her head, _focus Dawn. _Dawn turned back to Ash, biting her lip. _How did I end up with Ash in my bed?_

She furrowed her brow, trying to remember exactly what had gone wrong. All she could remember was chugging down drink after drink, until someone took the bottle away…_Ash. _Yes, she was sure of that now; Ash had confiscated her last bottle of beer. She thought that over, trying to remember what he had said.

_"Don't drink too much…"_

Dawn thought a bit more, trying to figure out exactly what had gone wrong. She'd fought Ash, she knew that much; though she couldn't make sense of the jumbled words that had come out of her mouth. She suddenly remembered her snaking her arm around Ash's shoulder, and bringing her lips to his…the flashbacks continued, just like that. Dawn shook her head, not wanting to believe what had happened. Yet, as sad as it was, the evidence was before her; she didn't remember everything, but she knew enough. It didn't take a rocket scientist to add up the facts; a make out session, seeing their clothes thrown all over the place, and having Ash snoring maybe three inches away from her all added up to the same thing.

Dawn had slept with her best friend.

Dawn flinched, thinking of that. Almost instantaneously, she felt a sense of dirtiness go through her. As if it wasn't bad enough that Ash was five years older than her and that he was dating Misty…but to go as far as _sleep _with him while being _drunk _made Dawn wonder just how low she'd sunk. She shook her head, not wanting to believe what had happened; still, her answer was literally right in front of her. She lost her virginity to Ash Ketchum

_What the hell Dawn._

Dawn brought her hand to her temples, rubbing them and trying to straighten her feelings out. She'd stopped traveling with Ash when she was thirteen, right after he'd become a Pokémon master. Ever since then, the media had been printing stories of his travels left and right. Pokémon battles and strategies were a minor thing though; what the media really wanted to eat up was the fact that _Ash Ketchum _had traveled with _female _companions. It didn't seem like a big deal to Dawn back when Ash was fifteen…but seeing buff eighteen year old Ash Ketchum travel with a thirteen year old gave many overprotective parents the idea that he was some deranged child molester.

Of course, Misty hadn't gotten much attention from the media; despite the fact that she was Ash's girlfriend, she'd traveled with him back when they were ten. Not much action could have happened back then, so she'd never gotten much attention. From the stories that were printed about Misty though, they were all the same; she was a smart, short tempered girl traveling with a very clueless boy whom she somehow ended up falling in love with. Most of the headlines of Misty read something along the lines of "Ash's bitch."

And then there was May.

May had gotten her name printed in a good deal of articles; she was mostly depicted as the sweet, gentle girl that Ash should have ended up with. Even though she got together with Drew in the long run, everyone still had their fingers crossed that May would somehow leave her boyfriend right around the same time that Ash and Misty would break up, just so they could see them get together. Plus, it seemed that the public would enjoy the idea of seeing the stereotypical Good Girl with male heartthrob Ash Ketchum.

Dawn had it the worst though.

People would often snicker as they passed Dawn on the streets, their magazines in hand about "the slut of the three." Dawn's nickname hadn't really gotten to her too much; once she'd gotten over the fact that she'd been labeled as Ash's slut, she'd gotten used to it. It wasn't that she didn't care, but it was the fact that she knew that she wasn't the slut everyone thought she was. At least, she wasn't _then._

Now though, Dawn wasn't so sure.

She turned back to Ash, seeing him roll around on the bed. Dawn sighed. _He's going to get up soon…_She walked around the room, picking up her clothes as she went along and getting dressed. She picked up her handbag from the desk in the room, and walked over to the door. She took one last look behind her shoulder at her twenty-three year old friend. Dawn shook her head and shut the hotel door behind her, not exactly knowing where she was going.

If anything though, she knew one thing.

Her life was about to get very complicated.

A/N: Oooh, that was a very nice cliffhanger wasn't it? Anyway, that sort of sets the frame to this story. I know that Dawn is constantly portrayed as a slut through many stories, so I thought I'd try my hand at some of that. Oh, and this takes place after Dawn turned EIGHTEEN, so bear in mind she's going to be very different from how she acted on the show.

I won't update this story as often as I update _Notes and Roses._ You'll probably see chapter two in about two weeks or so. Again, this story contains no smut. Everything is purely suggestion; the reason it's rated M is so I don't give any ten-year olds a heart attack if they come across this in the T section.

Love you all,

Vikki


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Agh.

I haven't updated this monstrosity in four weeks. My apologies; forgive me.

I'm not really into this story right now, but as long as I don't have to write another word about May or Drew, I'm fine. I won't be updating this as frequently as I'll be updating _Notes and Roses, _so hang in there.

I promise I'll try to update more often. Ish.

Well, here's the next chapter as promised. Hopefully you guys will enjoy

--Vikki

Thirteen year old Ass Kicker

For the first time, it didn't take Ash very long to get a clue.

He called at about eight in the evening the following night after Dawn's eighteenth birthday. She'd thought it over a few times, thinking to herself exactly how it had all happened. Her memory was becoming a bit clearer now; that didn't mean it wasn't fuzzy, but she could remember up until the point where they'd started stripping. She was sitting down at a coffee house, caramel macchiato in hand; she was thinking things over, trying to figure out what to do with her pathetic life. She cringed, feeling unimaginably _dirty. _Despite the media's rumors, she never thought they'd actually be something that would come true. _It's not true yet Dawn…you were drunk, remember? You can't put yourself at fault._

Then again, it wasn't like someone force-fed her the alcohol.

"Shit," she muttered under her breath. It seemed like a perfectly valid way to describe the mess that was her life at the moment; complete and total _shit. _She tried to remind herself that it probably wasn't a big deal; stuff like this happened all the time, right? She told herself that over and over again; it was not a problem. No one would ever have to know.

She was fine until Ash called her.

Once her phone vibrated in her pocket, all feelings of self-assurance were wiped away from her. She heard it ring once, not knowing exactly what to do. Her hand twitched towards her cell-phone, though she couldn't bring herself to exactly grasp it and hit the 'accept' button. Her phone rang again, and knowing she couldn't avoid him forever, without really thinking, she swiped the cell from her pocket and brought it to her ear.

"Hello?" she gasped, hearing a muffle from the other line

Ash sighed. "Dawn…it's Ash." Hearing no response from her, he continued talking. "I, um…I just wanted to talk to you about what happened last night." Again, silence came from Dawn's end of the line. "I'm not even really that sure as to what happened, but you sort of left your, erm, bra at my place, and now that I'm starting to remember…" he sighed, as if it hurt him to continue. "Well, let's just say I have a good lead as to what happened." He stopped talking, and waited for her response. "Dawn? Um, are you…you still there?"

"Yeah," she whispered, feeling her eyes cloud with tears. She quickly wiped them away, trying to get a hold of herself. "I mean, yes," she said again, trying to sound more confident. "I am." Ash sighed, not able to say anything. Dawn exhaled, trying to think of the right words to say. "Ash…" she started. She laughed bitterly, "Ash. Gosh Ash," she muttered, lightly in frustration with herself. "What did we get ourselves into now?"

"I don't even remember that much," he said slowly. "What about you?"

May thought back, trying to remember all she could. "I remember going to your apartment for my eighteenth birthday," she began, her voice shaky. "I remember walking into your crowded, dark apartment. Everyone was there," she continued. "About an hour or two into the party…" she stopped for a second, trying to regain her composure. "After an hour or two, someone passed me a drink. I think it was Brock." She paused again, trying to remember what happened next. "It's all a blur after that," she said slowly, "but I think I remember downing a few more glasses of wine with you…" her throat thickened, realizing what she was getting to. "You told me to stop," she said, laughing weakly. "That much I remember. Then…" she stopped talking, not being able to say much more.

Ash exhaled, hearing what she had to say. They were both silent for a brief minute.

"What do you remember?" she whispered into her phone.

"Pretty much the same thing," he muttered, "except my memory extends a bit further."

Dawn groaned, realizing what that meant. She slumped back onto her chair. "Oh god."

Another awkward silence came and went.

"What do we do now?" Ash asked quietly.

Dawn thought that over for a minute. _What exactly _do_ we do now? _She shook her head, thinking of her options; she realized she really had three. They could either act like nothing had ever happened, tell Misty and beg for forgiveness, or go behind Misty's back and continue to get together.

Dawn wasn't bright, but she could tell that the last two options were absurd.

"Nobody has to know anything," she said silently.

Ash let her words sink in. "You mean, label it as a one-night stand?"

"I don't even know if you could go as far as to call it that," she said with a weak smile. "We were under the influence of alcohol…but, yeah." She rolled her eyes; _you dirty, good for nothing slut…_ "We'll call it a one-night stand."

There was another moment of silence.

"Misty doesn't have to know?" he asked quietly.

"Misty doesn't have to know." Dawn said flatly. She thought those words over again, and realized just how she could make it right. "In fact, I'll get a boyfriend," Dawn said, realizing exactly what the benefits could be. "So…it will be just like nothing ever happened."

Ash must've nodded over the other line. "So, last night meant nothing?

Dawn thought that over. Last night had been the night of her eighteenth birthday party; it had been the first night she had ever been drunk, and it had been the first night she had ever had sex. She lost her virginity last night…ever since she'd been thirteen, she'd always pictured the night she'd lose her virginity as a night she would spend with someone special; someone she'd have by her bed for the rest of her life. She'd expected that person to be her husband, fiancée…or at least her boyfriend. Never in her life had she imagined though that she would lose her virginity while drunk to a man that was in a steady relationship and that was her best friend, and she _especially _didn't imagine that she would say the following day 'it meant nothing.'

Thirteen-year-old her would have kicked her ass.

"It mean nothing," she whispered.

A/N: Sorry…just finished watching Pride and Prejudice, so that movie may or may not have influenced this chapter…I don't know; you tell me

As many of you have already guessed, this story is very different from Notes and Roses; please remember though that despite the M rating, there will be no smut whatsoever in this story. The M rating was simply so a) I could swear and talk about sex all I wanted and b) I wouldn't get in trouble and that no ten year olds would stumble upon this and suffer brain damage.

Blessings,

Vikki


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Wow. I really haven't updated for a while, now have I? Aw, I'm sorry guys TT___TT

Anyhow, on with the story. To give you fair warning, this story will just have very heavy suggestion.

(And This is Where it Gets Complicated.)

"You want me to walk you to your door?" Barry asked. They were both in his car, after having completed an intense make-out session.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Barry, I'm not fourteen, I'll be fine." She looked at the door, then back to Barry; he had a challenging smirk on his face. She sighed. "But, I wouldn't mind."

He gave her a smile, getting out of this his side of the car, running over to Dawn and opening her door before she had a chance to unclip her seatbelt. They walked out of the car and onto Dawn's sidewalk leading to her house. He stopped at the door, and had his hand on her neck. He leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the lips. She pulled back, smiling.

"Goodnight," he said, giving a nod of his head and walking back to his car.

"'Night Barry," she shouted, waving. She walked through her doorframe, and peeked through the peephole until she saw Barry's car drive away. She smiled, and let her face flush bright red. She slumped down against the door frame, knees up to her chin, and brought her hands to her lips. She couldn't help but just let herself feel happy. Her date with Barry had gone very well; they'd even parked outside of her driveway for half an hour before walking in. She brought her hand to her heart, thinking just how happy she'd been with Barry. Everything was so easy and natural with the two of them; they could talk about anything and everything, and it would just feel normal.

He didn't know she'd slept with Ash, and he didn't have to. She sighed, feeling guilty with herself. _I lost my virginity to Ash Ketchum. _She shook her head; she'd already accepted the fact it had happened, and she couldn't do anything about it. She brought her hand, trying to stroke the necklace her mother had given her for her sixteenth birthday. She stopped when she felt her bare chest, not able to know where it was.  
"Shit," she muttered, grabbing her handbag and opening the door in a fluster, realizing she'd left it at the jeweler's, who—inconveniently enough—was leaving town for a few weeks after tonight. She ran down the street, hoping she would make it in time. She ran down the dark alleyways, past the houses, trying to make out the jeweler's store.

"Dawn."

She stopped, and turned around, seeing the man she'd just ran past. And—just her luck—Ash Ketchum walked towards her, necklace dangling from his fingertips.

"Ash…how did you…"

"I have my sources," he said flatly, dropping the necklace into Dawn's hands. He was a bit too close to her; she felt especially weird, considering this was the first time in two weeks she'd seen him since she'd slept with him.

She rolled her eyes, trying to contain her embarrassment. "You might as well tell me so I don't think you're stalking me."

He ran his hand through his hair, taking a step back from his blue-haired friend. "Well…let's just say I have a friend who works here, and I was in the store anyway looking for something to get Misty."

Hearing her name, Dawn couldn't help but cringe. She turned around, walking away. "Whatever."

"Alright!" Ash yelled, giving in. "Alright, Dawn; I had to do a bit of research, okay? I didn't just happen to be in the store and see your necklace."

Dawn turned around, looking back at her twenty-three year old friend. "Why, Ash?" she asked, "why would you do that?"

He walked towards her, and put his hands on her shoulder. "I'm not sorry about what happened Dawn," he said quietly. "I was just…hoping you could see it my way."

Dawn looked into Ash's face, which was suddenly very close to hers. "What makes you think I'll change my mind?"

Ash shrugged, stroking her neck. "This."

With that, Ash leaned in and kissed her.

Kissing Ash had been very different than kissing Barry. When Dawn had made-out with Barry, it had all worked so naturally; it was if it was like breathing. Kissing Ash though had an edge of lust to it; she couldn't help but feel drawn to him in some ways more than another. It wasn't really natural, but it was _exciting;_ it made her feel like she was breaking all the rules and getting away with it.

She quickly broke the kiss, trying to get a hold of herself. "You have a girlfriend," she said quickly and worriedly.

"Dawn—"

"And I just got back from a date with Barry," she continued, scrambling for other things to say. "You're five years older than me, and you're my best friend, and…" she looked into Ash's bottomless, chocolate brown eyes. Suddenly, nothing else mattered; everything she had just said had no meaning. "And I don't care," she finished, crushing her lips against his.

_Stupid slut._

Dawn told her practical side to shut the hell up.

A/N: …and this is where I cue the drama XD

Until then, press the little green button below if you would like to make my day. That's all.

--Vikki


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I'm updating randomly, now aren't I? :D

Anyway, moving on, things continue to snowball into a mess of "complicated."

Oh, and if you haven't already, **check out the poll on my profile; vote for what my next story should be.**

That's all

-Vikki

"Up to Something" Would be an Understatement

Twice.

_Twice._

With _Ash Ketchum, _of all people,

Here she was, a mere month after turning eighteen, in nearly the same situation with the same person. Ash Ketchum was snoring beside her; they were both in his bed. She'd gotten up before him, and she didn't know if she should feel happy or if she should smother herself in shame. She took a nervous side glance at Ash; this time was different than the last though. There was no alcohol; it was entirely up to the two of them. Dawn couldn't use the beer as an excuse anymore, because there was none last night. It had been entirely up to her, and she'd fallen for it.

She'd had sex with Ash Ketchum again.

She pulled the covers up over her face; she didn't know when she'd gotten changed back into her lingerie, but at one point she had. She looked over at Ash; he was back in his boxers, which saved her some embarrassment. Dawn sighed, trying to recollect herself.

_Okay, _she thought, turning to Ash. _I know what this looks like, and I remember it anyway, but that doesn't matter; I'm here, it happened… _Dawn stopped, trying to think of how she felt. Surprisingly enough, she didn't feel as guilty as she had the last time. Her virginity was already gone, so it wasn't like she was losing anything this time. She reminded herself—multiple times—that Ash was in a relationship, and she and Barry had been dating for a few weeks. If that shouldn't have made her feel enough like a whore, then surely the fact that Ash was five years older would make her feel at least _somewhat _guilty…

Surprisingly, she couldn't bring herself to regret anything.

She turned and looked Ash. He'd grown up since when they'd first met, back when he was fifteen. For one, the media didn't call him a sex god for nothing. Somewhere along the way, he'd hit puberty and had a massive growth spurt, the end result being a six foot tall and buff Ash Ketchum. If Dawn had taken it from her ten year-old standpoint, it would have been _very _hard for her to imagine the Ash Ketchum that was before her. Looks like spending most of his teen years with Brock had given him some benefits…

Dawn could hear her phone vibrating across the room on the counter. Trying not to wake Ash, she crept out of bed and snatched her phone, speaking quietly.

"Hello?"

"Hey Dawn. I read somewhere that a good-morning phone call was a great way to express your feelings for a girl, so I thought I'd test it out."

Dawn smiled, forgetting Ash and focusing her attention on Barry. "Well, it worked Barry."

He laughed over the line, and Dawn felt her heart flutter. "Glad to know. So, it's Saturday; what should our plans be for tonight?"

Dawn sighed, thinking that over. "What did we do last week again?"

Barry thought that over for a brief moment. "Movie, I think."

Dawn nodded. "Let's mix it up then; why don't we go watch a contest or something?"

"You mean go to Jubilife City?"

Dawn smiled. "Why not? It's been a while since either of us have taken a road trip."

Barry chuckled. "Okay, so why don't we leave tonight, eat dinner there, and go see the contest?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"Great," Barry said, "What time should I pick you up?"

Dawn thought that over. "It's an hour and a half drive to get there…around seven?"

"Sure," Barry must have been beaming over the other line. "I'm counting down the hours."

Dawn blushed, and bit her lip. "Same here. See you Barry."

She shut her phone, and took a look at it, wondering exactly what game she was playing.

"So, you're with Barry?"

Dawn turned around to face Ash; he must have woken up while she was talking to him. "Yeah," she said slowly, "I am."

Ash nodded. "Cool."

They both were quiet for a minute; Dawn didn't know what Ash was thinking about, but her own brain was trying to figure everything out. She had just gotten off the phone, making date plans with Barry, while she was in the same bedroom with Ash. Surely that meant she had ethical issues, right?

"We should sort this out Ash," Dawn said finally, sitting down next to him. He nodded, taking her hands in his.

"I'm attracted to you Dawn," he began. He laughed, "Man, I'm really attracted to you." He turned back to Dawn, and looked her in the face. "You know that though." He stopped and sighed, "the thing is, Misty thinks that I'm all hers. She thinks I'll always be hers…"

"What are you saying Ash?" Dawn asked quietly.

Ash ran his hand through his hair. "I'm already over her Dawn. The only reason I'm still with her is so I don't break her heart; I can't do that. I'm not going to break up with her anytime soon, and I think you should know that."

Dawn nodded; she couldn't exactly say that she was surprised. "I get that. And, you know that I'm with Barry; it's still new, but I don't think that's going to change…"

They were both quiet for a minute. Ash turned to Dawn, and looked her in the eyes.

"Dawn, as long as were both with other people, I don't think we should let this be anything more than physical," he said slowly.

Dawn nodded. "Same here. I wouldn't want to hurt Barry."

The two nodded in agreement. Ash smiled, and whispered in Dawn's ear.

"When's the next time we'll do this?"

Dawn thought that over for a minute. "I'll be here on Tuesday," she whispered.

A/N: Dramatic, no? :D

Anyway, if you'd like to make a certain fourteen-year old's day, press the little green button below.

-Vikki


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: …

I honestly don't know what to say.

Well, here goes:

_Two Timer_

Dawn waited until she knew for a fact that Barry was fast asleep to sneak off to Ash's.

It had been Dawn's first night with Barry. They'd been together for a month and a half, and they'd finally gotten around to sleeping together. Of course, she was more careful than ever now that she was sleeping with two men at the same time; she'd been on the pill for a few weeks now, and she was more careful than ever with protection. Winding up pregnant wasn't on her agenda.

She took a good look at Barry; he was sound asleep, an expression of happiness on his face. She remembered screaming his name the previous night; though sex with Barry wasn't as hot as sex with Ash, it felt natural, like breathing. She looked at him, wondering if what she was doing was alright. _I know perfectly well I could just be happy with Barry; he's a good guy. _

She still snuck off to Ash anyway.

It was around two in the morning on a warm May evening. She'd left Barry one of those, "had to leave early, love you and will see you later" notes, incase she'd get back to his apartment after he'd woken up. Ash had thought it would be better if they'd not get together tonight, considering the fact they both had dates, but Dawn wanted to see Ash. Just knowing he would be there made her heart leap…

He was also with Misty that night; she'd crashed at Ash's place, and Barry was at Dawn's, so they opted for a motel. They had no intentions of having sex twenty feet away from Misty or Barry anyway. Dawn looked around, trying to remember where she was going, but mostly worried that Barry would wake up and find her gone. _It's two in the morning _she reminded herself, _he wouldn't just wake up…_

Still, the paranoia set in.

She didn't know Barry's sleeping patterns; he must have been a heavy sleeper, for her to be able to sneak out like she did, but she didn't want to press her luck. From now on, she'd have to be very cautious in playing her game right in order to stay under the radar; as far as she knew, the only people that were aware of Ash and Dawn was herself and Ash. She hadn't told anyone, and hopefully neither did he.

Dawn had to admit, she knew that to some extent, sleeping around was wrong; still, Ash didn't want to be in a relationship with Misty, and he was more attracted to Dawn anyway. Despite their agreement to keep things strictly physical, Dawn couldn't help but think that it could blossom into something more. They'd spent so many nights together, it wasn't like he didn't have feelings for her. As for Barry, the bastard was clueless; he would never know a thing, and what he didn't know surely couldn't hurt him. And Misty…well, she was a bitch. Served her right.

Dawn felt a bit bittersweet going behind Barry's back though. Sure, so she could have two boys at once…the fact that Barry didn't know about Ash sometimes got to Dawn, and she did at times feel guilty. Most of the time though, Dawn just kept reminding herself that she didn't feel guilty enough to stop what she'd started; despite Barry's feelings, she thought that what she had with Ash meant more anyway. Sure, she could like Barry; hell, she could love Barry. He was a great guy, and being around him was just so _simple; _drama had a tendency to stay away from him. If Barry didn't have that quality, she probably wouldn't go behind his back and sleep with Ash. Still, Dawn was positive that even if Barry did figure her out, he'd get over it quickly.

Dawn continued to walk down the street; she felt insecure, considering the fact that it was two in the morning and that underneath her trench coat and clothing she was wearing lingerie. She'd heard horror stories about girls getting jumped and raped in the middle of the night…she told herself to shut up and just snorted. She stopped walking once she'd reached her motel; Ash had given her the room key in advance. She felt a bit guilty that Ash had to have paid; then again though, they were spending one night in a crappy motel, and Ash was filthy rich from all of his wins in different leagues.

She walked into the building, feeling a rush of cool air. The lobby was empty minus a lone woman, so Dawn slipped down the hall to the room with ease. She was on the first floor; she looked at the numbers on the room doors, and stopped as she neared room 115. She knocked, and then used her room key to let herself in.

Ash was waiting on the bed, already down to his boxers.

"Did it take a while for him to get to sleep?" he asked.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "A while is an understatement." She sat down next to Ash on the bed. "How was Misty?"

He laughed. "I don't even know…I tried thinking it was you, but then again, it wasn't anyway near as good." He stroked her neck. "How was Barry?"

Dawn sighed. "I have to admit, it was actually fine…but no where near as good," she said, giving Ash a seductive grin.

He smiled, and began working at her shirt and bra. "Now that we've gotten that out of the way…"

Dawn giggled, shutting the lights in the room off.

A/N: …this is where I sort of threw my hands up and went, "The hell with it. I'll get out of my comfort zone in this fic."

Now, I'm just going to say straight out that this fic does _not _revolve around mindless sex. "Desire" is the main theme of this story, not sexuality. I figured that sex would be the best way to portray that theme of desire. As for the name of the story…you'll see why in later chapters.

Reviews are loved.

-Vikki


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: …and this is where the M rating starts to become more and more evident.

**Negotiation Sucks, For the Record**

Of course her life had to suddenly suck.

Dawn was at a contest with Leona out in Jubilife City. Her best friend knew nothing about Ash, and Dawn was fairly sure she wasn't suspicious. They'd gotten bored of spending time at the Jubilife Mall, so they decided that for old time's sake they'd watch a contest. Dawn gave up coordinating after she'd last lost the Grand Festival nearly a year before.

The two were in Dawn's car on the way back, laughing and drinking. Dawn had managed to smuggle some beer from Ash's apartment.

"I never thought you'd be the kind of girl to drink and drive," Leona said, laughing hysterically.

Dawn took a swig of beer, trying to keep her eyes on the road. "The media would have to disagree."

Leona burst out hysterically. "Oh, Dawn, I'm telling you; the media says worse things!"

Normally that kind of comment would have offended Dawn, but she couldn't say she disagreed.

Leona continued to laugh for no apparent reason; once Leona's head was turned, Dawn took the beer away from her, thinking that her friend might be on drugs. Leona didn't notice; she continued to act erotically. _Thank god there aren't any boys in the vicinity…_Dawn laughed, wondering how many boys Leona would be dumb enough to sleep with if she had gotten drunk at a party.

As they neared Leona's house, Dawn's friend refused to leave the car. It took quite a bit of effort to tear Leona away from the seat, yet Dawn eventually succeeded and was able to drive back to her house. As she began to near her home, she noticed a man sitting on the front steps. Dawn squinted; she'd met him before. She stopped her car on the sidewalk, trying to figure out who this mystery person was. She got out of her car, gripping her handbag for reassurance, ready to confront him. The man stood up and walked towards her, a smirk on his face.

"Dawn," he said with a nod.

Dawn remembered who he was from his voice.

"Paul," Dawn greeted him, "what brings you to Twinleaf town?"

He laughed a bit; there was a malicious glint in his eyes that Dawn tried very hard to ignore. "A few things here and there; I was actually staying here a bit over a month ago," he started, as if he had some story to tell. "I was at a motel, and it turns out, I heard _screaming _coming front the room next to me." Dawn's heart stopped, hoping that he wasn't going to say what she thought he was. "It turns out, _you _were screaming _Ash's _name." He brushed a lock of hair out of his face; he looked very satisfied with himself.

"That wasn't me," Dawn said quickly, but Paul just shook his head.

"Don't try to trick me Dawn," he continued. A very large sneer became evident on his face; this was obviously what he was getting at. "Still, imagine my surprise when I hear that you're dating _Barry _and that Ash is dating _Misty._"

Dawn's heart froze; she tried to think of something witty to say. She was hoping that she would be able to come up with something brilliant that would make Paul doubt every word of what he had said. She racked her brain, trying to figure it out.

"You know," she said, defeated.

He nodded. "Looks like the headlines were right; you are Ash's slut."

Normally, a comment like that would have hurt Dawn's feelings, yet she didn't find the term slut very offensive anymore. "I don't care what you call me, just don't tell anyone."

He thought over Dawn's words for a minute. "You mean, I _shouldn't _tell my cousin who just so happens to be a reporter for _Sinnoh Weekly_?" Dawn's heart sunk, and Paul laughed. "C'mon Dawn; I know you don't like me, but I'm not evil. I'll keep your secret."

Dawn let those words register, but knew she couldn't believe them. "Will you?" she asked, raising her eyebrow.

Paul cast her a side glance. "Well…let's just say I have a few conditions."

"I don't negotiate."

"You're going to have to," he said, having Dawn's full attention. "Either I tell my cousin everything I know, or you do what I say."

Dawn rolled her eyes, trying to sound confident. "How do I know you aren't bluffing?"

He smiled. "Well…even if I _don't _have a cousin who reports for that particular newspaper, I _do _know Barry and Misty, now don't I?"

Dawn's heart stopped. "Even you're not cruel enough to do that."

He shrugged. "I'm not being cruel. I just know some useful information that I'm trying to use to my benefit."

Dawn sighed, decided to hear him out. "Alright, Paul, what are your conditions?"

Paul thought that over for a minute, as if he hadn't already figured it out. "You see, Dawn, I have a problem. And, I think you'd be the perfect person to solve it."

"Spill," she said impatiently.

"Well, seeing to the fact that you have a lot of experience in sleeping with guys, and seeing to the fact that I'm still a virgin—"

"No!" she shouted, figuring out what Paul was about to say, "are you _kidding _me? No way, Paul!" She laughed in disbelief, "I may be a slut, but I won't sleep with any man that turns to me."

"Won't you?" Paul inquired.

Dawn thought that over for a moment. "Despite what you know, I'm not the person you think I am."

"Really? Oh, then how come you're sleeping with a man that's five years older than you?"

Dawn had no answer.

Paul laughed. "Exactly. C'mon Dawn, you're not in it for the relationship; you have Barry for that. You're in it for the _sex."_

The way the word sex rolled off Paul's tongue made Dawn cringe. He gave her another smirk. "You have your options; take it or leave it, _Dee-dee."_

Dawn thought over Paul's words for a minute; either the entire world—or at least Barry and Misty—would know about her affair with Ash, or she would have to take away Paul's virginity. Dawn immediately knew what option she couldn't live with; despite the fact that she disliked Paul—especially now—she had to admit she was somewhat…well, interested to see what sleeping with him would be like. She wondered if it would be more like Ash, or more like Barry…

_Stupid, mindless slut._

"Why?" she asked.

Paul looked at her in surprise. "What was that?"

She groaned, now irritated. "You hate me, but you want to sleep with me. Why?"

He shifted, keeping his expression blank. "You're very attractive Dawn; that's where there's all that hype about you being a slut. Despite the fact that you annoy me, I can honestly say that if someone would have to take away my virginity, I couldn't think of anyone else."

Paul's response took Dawn aback; she hadn't been expecting him to say what he had said. Seeing her expression, Paul laughed.

"Not what you expected, huh?"

She shook her head, looking Paul dead in the eyes. "You won't tell anyone if I go through with it?"

He nodded his head. "If you sleep with me, then I won't tell anyone. You have my word." He extended his hand for her to shake.

_Don't trust him, _one part of Dawn said. Dawn thought what she was about to do over; she'd be sleeping with _three men. _Dawn knew it was bad enough to be sleeping with Ash, but to be sleeping with _Paul _and Ash would absolutely kill Barry if he ever figured her out.

Then again, she had yet to be caught…

"It's a deal then," Dawn said, shaking Paul's hand.

A/N: …ooh, the drama! So now Paul has something against Dawn that he could use for his benefit…interesting, no?

Anyway, reviews are loved; check out my poll on my profile, if you haven't already. For those intellects out there, I made a forum, in case you're interested :D

Blessings,

Vikki


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: OSHIT. I haven't updated this thing since…July. Damn,

Well, I guess I can't delay this any longer. The next few chapters are when the story really starts to kick into high gear. Enjoy.

-Vikki

_Damn, I Sure as Hell Was Wrong…_

Barry's tension was starting to annoy the hell out of Dawn.

He'd been like that their entire date; something had been bugging him since the second she'd walked into his car. At first, Dawn had thought that he'd caught onto her, and immediately, paranoia had set in. After a while though, she didn't think that she had anything to with it, considering the fact that he was nicer to her than their waitress. Dawn had held her tongue their entire date, not wanting to bring anything up. Still, now that she was in his car back to her house, she felt the need to speak up.

She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks, I had a great time."

He sighed and gave her a weak smile. "Me too." He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her on the lips.

Dawn pulled back, a look of concern on her face. "You okay?"

"Huh?"

She rolled her eyes and put her arm around his neck. "Something's been bugging you Barry; what's wrong?"

He sighed. "How do you know something's bugging me?"

"Because I know you well," she said, stroking his neck. "What is it?"

He took a deep breath. "Kenny's coming back to Twinleaf town, that's all."

Dawn looked at him, puzzled. "Well, that's good, isn't it? He's your best friend…" Dawn's voice trailed off as Barry shook his head, a sad expression on his face.

"Things are complicated Dawn, that's all."

She thought that over, though couldn't see what could bug him about that. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He gave her a faint smile. "I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings Dawn."

She rolled her eyes. "I think I'll be fine."

Barry sighed. "It's just, he doesn't have a girlfriend, and him coming back to town…" he laughed in disbelief. "Maybe it's just me being paranoid, but I think he might have feelings for you."

Dawn laughed. "Kenny's never had a thing for me," Dawn said confidently.

Barry laughed nervously. "Yeah…you're probably right." He laughed again, seeing his own paranoia was getting the best of him. He turned back to Dawn though, this time more seriously. "But what if he does?"

Dawn's heart stopped. "He doesn't."

"Still though," Barry continued, "pretend that he _did _have feelings for you. What would you do?"

Dawn thought that over. "He doesn't though," she whispered.

Barry laughed in disbelief. "Well, I'm saying; just pretend he's madly in love with you. What would you do?"

Dawn gave Barry a soothing smile, trying to avoid the topic he was bringing up. "Barry, I don't have to pretend because we know he doesn't."

"Dammit Dawn just answer the question."

She knew the answer; she was living it, after all. Both Ash and Paul had a thing for her, and Dawn hadn't ever really stopped to think how her affairs with them could affect Barry, because she never thought Barry would care. She always thought he'd be able to bounce back; seeing Barry's reaction now though, Dawn wasn't so sure.

"I would tell him 'sorry, but I'm dating Barry'," she fibbed; she hoped she could hide her lying, though she wasn't convinced.

Barry fell for it though. "That's what I was hoping for," he said, smiling. Dawn guiltily gave Barry a smile as he kissed her on the forehead; he was in a much better mood now.

"Goodnight," she said quietly, trying to get out of the car before Barry could make her lie anymore.

What really sucked was that she knew what was waiting for her on the inside.

She'd told Paul where she'd kept the house key, so if he was on time, he would already be in her bedroom. She sighed, opening the door and walking down the hall to her room. Paul was there, sitting on her bed.

"You're here," she said flatly.

He laughed. "C'mon, like I would miss sleeping with Sinnoh's slut."

She rolled her eyes. "If you're trying to insult me, you're failing."

He shrugged. "Just stating a fact that we both know."

"And you won't tell anyone?"

"About Ash, or about sleeping with me?"

"_Both."_

He thought that over for a minute. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I guess we'll keep this night to the two of us."

Dawn shuddered, hearing the way Paul had phrased it. "You know it doesn't mean anything," she said coldly.

Paul laughed. "C'mon, you know you're excited."

She sighed, deciding to give in. "I'm a slut, remember? I'd be excited for _any _kind of sex."

He chuckled. "I'll make you scream," he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a condom, slapping it into Dawn's hand. "You know what to do," he said with a smirk.

Dawn sighed, tearing the package open. "This is rape, not sex," she muttered.

He laughed. "Just go."

Saying her prayers, she pulled his boxers down, hoping neither of them would enjoy it.

A/N: Ahh, and so it begins. Now she's up to three guys. My God, what's Dawn going to get herself into next?

For those of you that have been going, "KENNY!" in the reviews, I'll just say that he was part of the plan all along. You'll have to wait and see as to how this plays out :D

Click the review button and you'll receive a hug from yours truly.


	8. Chapter 8

3

**A/N: **I know I promised to have my iCarly fic up and running by today, but it isn't quite ready yet. I was hoping to be at chapter ten of this story by now, since that's when it really speeds up. But, for now, looks like you'll have to put up with this filler chapter. I grant you that I'm going to be updating this story like crazy from here on out, and the next few chapters _should _be very satisfying. (FYI, chapters ten and eleven are my personal favorites).

I Love You, I Hate You…

July seventh had truly been Dawn's most exhilarating night.

She and Ash were still panting next to each other, nearly five minutes later. He was stroking her, and saying her name over and over again. It was only seven at night; Ash had a date with Misty at eight, so they would have to get things done and over with quickly. Still, Dawn hadn't expected the experience to be the way it was.

"Holy shit, what happened to girl clueless Ash Ketchum?" she whispered.

Ash stroked her arm. "What happened to the innocent Dawn I traveled with when I was fifteen?"

She just shook her head.

The two adults lay there for a minute, not saying anything. She'd had sex with three men in her life; Ash, Barry, and Paul. With Ash, it was always different and unpredictable. Ash was just _exciting; _it was especially great considering the fact that he was off-limits. With Barry, everything was a bit safer and easier; it was just natural and simple. She liked that Barry always had this 'let's not make it dramatic' vibe. Paul was different from the two of them; he was intense. He wasn't kidding when he said he would make a girl scream his name. Dawn couldn't say she particularly enjoyed sleeping with Paul; at some points, it could get…scary, almost.

This night toppled over all the rest.

"We can't continue labeling this a series of 'one-night' stands," she muttered.

Ash sighed. "We've been sleeping together since March, Dawn; it's July. This is an affair if anything."

She nodded slowly.

_Good for nothing slut._

She turned to Ash; he'd gotten his boxers back on. Dawn reached for her robe and pulled it over her, trying to feel less bare. She heard her cell phone vibrate on Ash's counter. She took a look at the caller ID, seeing Barry's number.

"The boyfriend?" Ash asked.

She nodded, hitting the ignore button. She gave Ash a kiss on the lips. "No way am I in the mood to talk to him," she said.

Ash smiled, bringing his mouth to hers. He kissed her hungrily, as if he wanted more. He began to reach for her robe, trying to tear it off her. She gently pushed his hand away.

"You have a date with Misty in less than an hour, remember?" she said quietly.

He sighed. "Just one more time?"

She shook her head sadly. "I have to get going anyway," she said, picking her clothes up. Ash helped her get re-dressed, and turned to kiss her one last time before she left his apartment.

"I'll see you tomorrow then?" he asked.

Dawn smiled. "Totally."

Dawn left Ash's apartment. She started to walk back to hers; that is, until she passed Paul's place. She stopped at his house; she was supposed to be with him tonight anyway. She'd thought she'd just blow him off, yet she remembered that their deal was that she would only take away his virginity. Here she was, nearly three weeks later, still sleeping with him. In her frustration, she stormed into Paul's apartment, not bothering to knock.

"Paul!" she shouted, walking to his room. She slammed the door open; he was already down to his boxers, waiting for her.

"There you are," he said, frustrated. "You're late."

He reached forward to take off her shirt, but she just slapped his hand away. "Don't touch me," she said. "Our deal was that I would take away your virginity; I did. I'm off the hook."

Paul shook his head. "Yeah, not quite."

Dawn groaned. "We had a deal Paul."

"Look, I said that as long as you listened to my conditions, I wouldn't tell anyone. My conditions have changed; if you continue to sleep with me, then I won't say a word," he said, sounding a bit full of himself.

"That's not what we agreed on," Dawn seethed.

"Oh, dammit Dawn, it doesn't matter what we agreed on!" he shouted. "The thing is, I have information that could destroy your reputation, and if you don't do what I tell you to, then I'll spill."

"So I'm pretty much your slave?"

"I don't want a slave," he said, "I just want someone to sleep with."

Dawn balled her first, trying to get a hold of herself. _Cool it, Dawn, _she reminded herself. As much as she despised Paul at the moment, she'd regret breaking his nose.

"I really hate you," she spat through grit teeth.

He just shrugged. "Good. Makes the sex more intense."

She just shook her head. "You don't feel _any _guilt, do you?"

He brought his hand to his chin, thinking that over. "Do you?"

Dawn groaned. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well, Barry is obviously in love with you, and you're going behind his back by sleeping with Ash," Paul stated.

Dawn blushed, trying to cover those words up. "He doesn't love me."

Paul snorted. "Yeah, right."

"Besides," Dawn continued, "He'd bounce back easily."

"How do you know that?"

"Well, excuse me," Dawn said, now irritated, "But wasn't I the person that asked _you _if you were guilty?"

"I thought we were talking about you."

"Only because _you _changed the subject."

Paul sighed. "I have to admit, there is some guilt. But still—I like the sex more than I hate the guilt."

Dawn exhaled, defeated. "How long are you going to hold this against me Paul?"

He shrugged. "Long as I want to."

Dawn looked him in the eyes, trying to sway him. "Don't I have enough issues already? I'm sleeping with _three _men, for godsakes."

He sighed, annoyed. "Dawn, if you're trying to emotionally sway me, it's not going to work."

"Right!" Dawn shouted, clearly upset, "Because you obviously don't have a heart."

He just shook his head. "You can be as emotional as you want, but I'm not letting the deal up."

Dawn felt extreme _fury _overcome her; the nerve of him. She was being enough of a slut by sleeping with Ash, but Paul was just ridiculous. She already knew she had sunk low enough; the problem was, despite the fact that she greatly despised Paul, she loved sex. And, deep, _deep _down, she knew she'd be more emotionally distressed if Paul had let up the deal than if she had continued to sleep with him.

So, she let the subject drop.

"You win," she said flatly.

Paul gave Dawn a slightly creepy smile. "Always do," he muttered, reaching for her shirt. She stopped him, just before he could take it off. "What?" he demanded.

"You'll get you're sex, don't worry," she snapped. She looked Paul dead in the eyes. "You've already said that you're sleeping with me because you think I'm attractive; why?"

"What do you mean?"

Dawn groaned. "What makes me attractive to you Paul?"

He sneered. "That's easy; it's because you're a slut."

Dawn's heart stopped. "That's it?"

He nodded. "That's it. That's probably the only reason why Ash is sleeping with you anyway; you're a slut."

Being called a slut had never hurt Dawn much.

This time though, it did.

**A/N: **I don't really have much else to say or do except for apologize for the filler-ness of this chapter. Still, you do get some insight into Dawn's mind, and how her feelings are starting to change. Oh, and for you ikarishipping fans out there, hopefully the interaction between her and Paul were deliciously love/hate esque xD

Happy Thanksgiving, babes

Xoxo,

Vikki


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **And she updates! Hurrah!

Hey, do me a favor? Check out the poll on my profile. I want to know what you guys think.

PS. Chapter ten is where the drama _really _kicks into high gear. This is just the final stage of plot development.

**Three's Company, Four's a Crowd…**

"So, have you been doing any training lately?" Dawn asked Barry, trying to get her distracted boyfriend's attention.

"Some here and there," he said flatly. He continued to fidget as the waiter came to their table with the bill. He'd been hyperactive during their entire date; from Barry, that was expected, but he was really beginning to get jumpy. Dawn had thought it was because of the sky-high prices at the restaurant they were eating at, yet seeing how well he handled the bill clearly wasn't the problem.

"I'm thinking of going back to coordinating," Dawn continued. "It's been a while since I've entered a contest." Barry simply nodded; Dawn, who was now desperate to start a conversation, kept talking. "That's not to say I don't go to contests, but I don't train anymore." Dawn groaned, and took Barry's hand in hers. "Barry?"

"Hm?" he said, turning back to Dawn. Reading the expression on her face, he sighed. "I'm sorry Dawn; something's come up. This was a crappy date, wasn't it?"

"It's fine," she said quickly. "I don't mind."

He nodded, looking down, as if he was trying to think of something to say. "Have you spoken to Kenny recently?"

Dawn nodded. "I did a few weeks ago."

Barry sighed. "Did he tell you he's coming back to Twinleaf town?" he muttered.

Dawn looked at Barry, surprised. "No," she said, "He didn't mention anything about that."

Barry laughed bitterly. "He's going to be here for a while."

Dawn's heart skipped a beat. "He's here already?"

"He got here earlier this morning."

Dawn just nodded; the last time Barry had brought up Kenny was back in June. He'd mentioned something about Kenny coming back then, and how he was afraid that Kenny had feelings for Dawn. Apparently, Kenny's plans fell through when he surprisingly won the Kanto Ribbon cup; reporters had been mobbing him, so he had decided to hang back.

"Did he say anything about how long he was staying?"

Barry shook his head. "He wanted to take a break from coordinating, but that was all he said."

Dawn simply nodded.

She watched Barry think things over for a minute; he was probably just as paranoid as he had been two months ago. Dawn thought that over for a minute; what _would _she do if Kenny had feelings for her, as Barry thought? The last time she'd seen Kenny face to face had been _before _she'd turned eighteen, back when she was still a virgin. She remembered he was the main object of her flirtation, but that was as far as any of it had gotten. Now that he was back, and now that she had fulfilled the title the media had given her…she shook her head. _C'mon Dawn; _four _men! Two is bad enough, three is disgusting…but four?_

No way could she let Kenny's feelings get the best of her.

Suddenly, Barry snapped back up, a light in his eyes. He looked at Dawn.

"Look…Dawn, I don't want you to feel caught up in any of this," he started, "So why don't we go see Kenny to sort it out?"

Dawn thought that over briefly, and shook her head. "Barry, I can think of a hundred different ways that could backfire."

"Does it honestly matter if it backfires?" Barry sighed, "I just want to make sure we're cool with everything."

Dawn groaned. "Barry, you're being ridiculous; Kenny's your best friend, and he doesn't have feelings for me. He wouldn't have the heart to betray his best friend anyway."

"And how do you know that, Dawn?"

"Because he's your best friend!" she shouted, exasperated.

Barry shook his head. "Can we please go; just to make sure?"

Dawn sighed. "After that, do you _promise _you'll quit being a paranoid mess?"

Barry laughed. "Sure, sure."

Barry paid the bill, and the two set off for Kenny's house. They were quiet for most of the way there, each adult thinking just how this encounter could backfire. Dawn shook her head; the worst that could happen would be what happened with her and Ash. Kenny would suddenly become very attractive, and he would show genuine interest in being with her. _If that's the worst that could happen, then why are you sleeping with Ash? o_ne part of her brain asked. She knew the answer, of course; she loved sex. As much of a slut that made her, she loved the sex more than she hated the guilt. She shuddered, suddenly realizing she was beginning to sound like Paul…

"Kenny!" Barry called. Dawn snapped her head back up; about thirty feet away from his house, Kenny was outside. He appeared to be fixing his car, or something along the lines of that….

_Damn, _Dawn thought. Part one of "the worst that could happen" had come true; just like Ash, Kenny must've hit the gym.

He stood up, taking off the mechanic gloves and jogging forward to greet them. "Barry!" he called, waving.

"How you doing man?" Barry asked, embracing his friend.

Kenny smiled brightly; _still the same Kenny… _Dawn reminded herself.

"Never been better." He turned to Dawn, and turned back to Barry. "Do I have permission to hug your girlfriend?"

Barry gestured him yes.

"Good to see you Kenny," Dawn said, walking forward and embracing him. Kenny laughed, giving her a soft hug.

"Back at you Dee-dee."

Dawn rolled her eyes.

"What brings you back to Twinleaf town?" Barry asked, though he knew the answer.

"The media was being a pain in the ass," Kenny said, turning to Dawn. He had yet to stop smiling. "Looks like I'm not the only one."

"More than you know," Dawn muttered.

"So, I decided to take a break from coordinating," Kenny continued. "It wasn't entirely my decision though; my parents had been bugging me to come back for a while." He laughed, "So, I figured, why not?"

For some reason, Dawn found herself grinning at every word Kenny spoke.

"What brings you to see me?" Kenny asked.

Dawn rolled her eyes, speaking before Barry had the chance. "Barry here is being paranoid," she laughed, shoving her boyfriend forward.

"How so?" Kenny asked.

Barry laughed nervously, and turned to Dawn. "You couldn't have let me do the talking?"

She just smirked and put her hands on her hips.

"Well," Barry started nervously, snaking his arm around Dawn's waist. "Like she said, I've been a bit paranoid lately," he continued awkwardly. "And…it would make me a lot easier if you promised me that you, um, wouldn't in any way help in making me lose her."

Kenny let that thought process, then laughed hysterically. "Wow, he really is paranoid, isn't he?" he said to Dawn. She laughed along with him, until Kenny abruptly stopped and said, "I don't blame you though."

"What?" Dawn exclaimed, turning closer to Barry and taken aback by Kenny's reaction.

Kenny's smile had yet to falter at all. "C'mon Barry, you're probably the luckiest guy on the planet to have a girl like her," he said, motioning towards Dawn.

Barry's face reddened. "Kenny, I'm warning you—"

"You're my best friend Barry," Kenny continued, "so I won't play the home wrecker here, because to be honest, I don't want to." He looked at Dawn's shocked expression. "You shouldn't be worrying about me though; I won't touch her as long as you two are together." He laughed, putting his hands on his hips. "I can't promise anything though after you two break up."

"So what you're saying is…?"

"When I get the chance," Kenny said, slowly and clearly, "Don't expect me to stay away."

Barry cleared his throat. "Well, then I have nothing more to say to you," he stated, nodding his head. He turned to Dawn. "Let's go," he muttered.

Dawn took a look at Kenny, and mouthed the word "why?"

Kenny merely shrugged, giving her a wink and turning back to his house.

On Dawn's way back to her house, a few things became very clear.

First, the worst that could possibly happen had happened. Kenny had feelings for her, and thanks to her raging hormones, Dawn found herself having the opportunity to be with _four _men at once. As much as Dawn didn't want to admit it, she was attracted to Kenny; she always had been. Then again, she was attracted to a handful of men; one of them being Ash. It was always more of a lustful thing with him, yet she was none-the less attracted to him. Barry was different; she liked Barry's "no drama" attitude; he'd recently been getting a bit paranoid, but besides that, he was usually chill. And, despite how much she disliked Paul, an obvious attraction had grown. She didn't know what it was…maybe the saying "opposites attract" had some sanity behind it.

One thing really got to Dawn though.

Out of the four men she had at her fingertips, she had yet to fall in love.

**A/N: **Props for the speedy update? Please? Oh, I know—you guys could show your gratitude in the form of reviews! There we go : )

Hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving, for those Americans reading. If you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, then, well, hope you had a nice weekend. Chapter ten is where we get some major plot-twists.

So, for now, go to my profile page and vote: Who do _you _want Dawn to end up with in the end of this story?

Thanks babes :D

Xoxo,

Vikki

PS. Oh, as far as the poll goes, you'll have no influence as to how the story goes. I've already had the pairing decided from the start. I just want to see what you guys think at this point.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: And, here's where the plot twists come in. Thanks so much for voting on my profile, babes. If you haven't already, do so once you're done reading and reviewing.

_Phone Tag and the Truth_

It only took Dawn so much until she snapped.

As the seasons changed, so did Dawn's emotions. From her transition from August to September, a few things became evident. First, she finally had her emotions in check; she felt guilty. She knew she was being a slut, and she knew that it would only be a matter of time before word got out. She also was one-hundred percent positive that she wasn't willing to change her ways anytime soon; she'd grown a desire and attachment to Ash. Breaking off from him would only add to her issues rather than take away from them. She'd realized back in August that she'd had a growing attraction for Paul, yet now it was stronger than ever. Despite the fact that they were very different, Paul's intensity and seriousness had her entranced. And, of course, Barry evened out the mix; Barry was the only person she was really "allowed" to sleep with. He was her boyfriend, and—besides his dispute with Kenny—he kept the drama to a minimum.

And then there was Kenny, who'd been calling Dawn non-stop.

At first, he'd only call her once every few days; now though, he was beginning to irritate Dawn. She looked back at her phone; she had twelve missed calls from earlier that day. She didn't even check caller ID anymore; she knew it was always be Kenny. If Barry or Ash had to ever talk to her, they'd always leave a voicemail, so she never even picked up. She was surprised that Kenny had yet to visit her house, considering the fact they lived two blocks away from each other.

When it came to Kenny, Dawn's feelings were…different. From day one, there'd always been an attachment. It didn't matter if they were friends or more, but he always seemed to be someone you could easily bounce back to. Now more than ever though, the way Dawn felt about Kenny was so much different from the way she felt about Ash, Barry, or Paul. For one, Ash and Paul—especially Paul—viewed Dawn as a slut. Though Ash didn't hold that against Dawn, Paul couldn't go a night without bringing it up. Dawn thought it was just jealousy, yet she had to admit that the slut comments were taking a bite out of her confidence.

With Ash, everything had always been just flat-out lustful; after he'd hit puberty, that was. Paul was also lustful, yet in a much different way. While Ash was more of the rebellious sex-type, Paul was flat-out hardcore. Not a night went by when Paul didn't make Dawn scream, and she often found her at his mercy in bed. With Ash, everything had always been equal, where as Paul would often take control.

Of course, none of that applied to Barry; with Paul and Ash, everything was strictly physical. With Barry, it was more of an emotional thing; Dawn was dating him, after all. As far as he was concerned, Dawn was all his (in bed and otherwise), and he was obviously trying to defend her. He'd heard the media's hype about her being a slut of course, but that didn't mean he believed it. She'd managed to hint at him that he wasn't the person she'd lost her virginity to, but he never seemed to mind. If anything, he only thought that Dawn _was _at one-point slightly slutty, but that she'd grown out of it. What really made a difference between Barry and Ash though was the fact that Barry genuinely loved her; of course, Dawn would _say _she loved him back, but that didn't mean she was telling the truth.

And, Kenny knew nothing, just like Barry. Kenny was just the guy in background that liked the girl his best friend was dating; what Dawn didn't understand was why she thought he meant _more. _

Another phone-call from Kenny interrupted her daydream.

Without really thinking, she snapped the phone up from the counter, ready to tell Kenny off.

"What?" she demanded.

"Deal's off, Dawn."

Dawn's heart froze, not recognizing the voice as Kenny's. "Paul?"

"Yeah. Shouldn't you be cheering or something? Deal's off."

Dawn took a moment to take Paul's words in; "Deal's off." _Why would he do that? _Dawn thought those words over again and again; she couldn't imagine what would drive Paul to say something like that. Surely he had to be kidding.

"What do mean Paul?" Dawn asked.

He groaned. "Dawn, you don't ever have to step into my bedroom ever again. I'm not going to tell anyone your secret."

Dawn nodded slowly, letting those words process. "Why?" she whispered.

He sighed. "You don't need to know."

"Paul, tell me why the hell you don't want me with you anymore."

"Well," he began, laughing bitterly. "Let's just say I _can _be emotionally swayed."

Dawn's heart skipped a beat, realizing what he was saying. "You're guilty," she said softly.

"Yeah," he said, "I am."

Neither of them spoke for a moment,

"Why?" she asked again.

"Well, if you really have to know Dawn, I didn't count on having an emotional attachment, okay?" he nearly shouted, now irritated.

"Are you saying you love me?" Dawn asked.

"Jesus Christ Dawn!" Paul exploded, "What is this, twenty questions?"

"You love me," she said. She laughed. "Do you, Paul?"

"That's irrelevant," he muttered, sounding ashamed.

Dawn laughed, not able to contain herself. "Irrelevant? Here I was, thinking the only reason you kept me around for so long was because you thought I was a slut."

"You _are _a slut."

"A slut that you're in love with."

"Does it really matter?" he demanded, irritated. "The point is, you have my sworn promise that I will never tell anybody your secret."

"So I _don't _have to sleep with you anymore?" Dawn asked.

"No!"

She laughed, then muttered, "What really sucks is that I kind of liked the emotional attachment."

"What are you saying, Dawn?" Paul demanded.

She smirked. "Paul, I've slept with three men in my entire life; you, Ash, and Barry. You know that Barry doesn't mean that much to me, and it's only ever a physical thing with Ash."

"Your point being?"

"My point _being," _she continued, "is that it would be nice for me to finally have an emotional attachment when I'm sleeping with someone."

"Barry isn't an emotional attachment?"

She laughed bitterly. "Barry's a guy I keep around because he's fun to _date _and is easy to…" she stopped herself, realizing what she was about to say.

"Easy to cheat on?"

Dawn sighed. "Yes," she said, "he's easy to cheat on." She paused for a minute. "I want to keep sleeping with you, Paul," she said quietly.

"Even behind Ash's and Barry's back?"

"Even behind Ash's and Barry's back," she said flatly.

They stopped talking for a moment.

"Why are you still with Ash?"

Dawn sighed. "I'm with Ash because I love sex," she muttered. "To be honest, anything I can get away with, I do."

"When are you coming over then?"

Dawn smiled. "I'll be over tomorrow night," she said softly, hanging up her cell-phone.

She thought her conversation with Paul over for a second. She bit her lip, wondering exactly what mess she was in; here she was, finally having an opportunity to change her slutty ways, yet…

She stopped daydreaming when she heard someone clear their throat.

She whirled around, finding herself face to face with the _last _person on the planet she wanted to see.

"Kenny," she croaked.

He ran his hands through his hair uncomfortably.

"How much of that did you hear?" she whispered, suddenly realizing exactly what she had said.

"I heard enough," he answered slowly, looking Dawn in the face.

"Enough being…?"

He sighed. "I got the point, Dawn. That's what matters."

She slumped back onto her couch, realizing exactly what that meant. "You know everything then."

There was a moment of silence. Dawn's heart was thumping out of her chest, and she wanted nothing more than to just crawl into a hole and die. Anything was better than this—_anything _was better than having to face Kenny, or anyone for that matter. She'd thought about being caught before, and she'd even get worried about it from time to time. At a certain point, she just stopped worrying. She believed no one would ever know. Only then did she realize just how much she'd tricked herself into believing that.

He sat down next to her, thinking of how to phrase what he was about to say carefully. "I'm worried, Dawn."

She snorted. "Why do you care, Kenny?"

"Because I care about you," he exclaimed, "and because Barry's my best friend."

"You don't care about me."

"I think I do."

"Why?" she whispered.

"Why what?" he asked.

"Why do you care about me!" she yelled.

He laughed in disbelief, throwing his hands up in the air. "Dawn, isn't it proof enough that I'm at odds with Barry because of you?" He shook his head, bringing his hands to Dawn's shoulders. "I've had feelings for you for a long time."

She gulped; she had desperately hoped Kenny wouldn't have said _anything _like that. That way, she could have put him out of her mind altogether…

"Kenny," she started, shrugging his hands off her shoulders. "Just forget it."

"And why would I do that?"

Dawn stared at him in disbelief. "Excuse me, but did you _not _just overhear my conversation with Paul?" she shouted, throwing her hands in the air. "I'm not the same person anymore! I'm not the sweet, innocent Dawn you used to know! I'm sleeping with _three men, _Kenny- what does that make me?"

The room was dead silent for a minute. Dawn's words hung in the air, and the atmosphere changed completely. Dawn didn't exactly know exactly when she realized what she had said, but she eventually found the meaning behind her own words.

"If it upsets you so much Dawn," Kenny said softly, "then why did you tell Paul to stay with you?"

Dawn laughed, suddenly realizing her pathetic excuse, "Because I love sex."

Nobody spoke for a minute.

"Kenny," Dawn said softly, her throat dry. "I suggest you leave before I hurt you anymore."

"See, that's the thing Dawn," he exclaimed, bringing his hand to Dawn's face. "Staying away from you is what's hurting me." He laughed, taking a deep breath to say what he was about to say. "Dammit, I think I'm in love with you Dawn," he said softly. "And I know that nothing's going to change the way I feel."

Dawn took a deep breath. "You don't mean that."

He laughed. "I'm pretty sure I do," he muttered, bringing his lips to hers.

She was expecting for him to shove his tongue down her throat, to tear the belt away from her jeans, to toss her on to her sofa and squirm around on top of her. She knew what she would have done—she would have let him. She wouldn't stop him from screwing her, simply because she felt so _weak. _She was nothing. She was nothing but a simple minded whore.

She felt the light touch of his lips to hers. Her arms hung limply by her side, and waited, wondering when he would open his mouth and hurt her jaw. _Just do it already, _she wanted to plead._ Don't leave me dangling here. Please, you're going to wind up killing me, Kenny…_

And then she realized—she didn't want to sleep with him. Not even in the slightest. But, she wouldn't tell him otherwise—if he wanted to, then she would. Just because she didn't want to didn't mean she wouldn't do it. The dread of knowing what was about to happen was almost too much to bear. So, she stood there, waiting as his lips were still pressed against hers softly, not moving, almost as if he wasn't breathing…

And, as quickly as it had started, it was over.

Dawn opened her eyes, and saw a very flushed and embarrassed Kenny. She brought her hands to her lips.

"Did that really just happen?"

She hadn't meant to say that out loud.

Kenny flushed a shade of scarlet, pouting."What, you're surprised I kissed you?"

She stared at him. "No. I'm surprised you didn't try to get in my pants," she said, not realizing just how blunt she was being until the words hung in the air.

"Excuse me, but did you _not _hear what I said earlier?" he scoffed. His face burned even more. "I've got real feelings for you. I'm not that kind of guy."

"You aren't what kind of guy?" she asked.

"The kind that will sleep with a girl on the first date," he said. "Or, in your case, be the other guy. Actually, scratch that—the third other guy."

Dawn's heart stopped. Maybe it was the way Kenny said it, but it was then that she felt ashamed. She knew she was a slut, and a big one at that—but the magnitude of what she was doing was finally starting to affect her.

"You need to get your shit together," he said. His voice broke.

Dawn stared at him, her expression stony. "Kenny…I'm sorry, but I can't. I don't know _how."_

"You're a wreck, Dawn! You're an absolute wreck!"

She winced. She didn't expect Kenny's words to cut through her as much as they did.

Kenny took a step back from her. It was almost as if he didn't notice the tears that were welling from her eyes and falling to the ground, and he could still like her in the eye with a straight face—something that she was sure Barry wouldn't have ever been able to do.

"You need a guy who can treat you right—you need a guy you can be _honest _with," he said. "When are you going to realize, Dawn? _When?"_

"Fill me in, because I'm obviously missing something here."

"That guy is _me, _Dawn. It's always been me."

She gulped, drying her eyes with her sleeves. "I'm sure that this guy you're talking would've been Paul or Ash too."

"Then why _isn't _it Paul or Ash?"

She sighed. "Because Ash and I have all of this crap in our lives—he's dating Misty, I'm dating Barry. And Paul _knows. _He knows _everything."_

"He doesn't know about me though, now does he?"

"Goddammit Kenny, there's nothing to know!" she screamed. "You're not part of this! Stay out of my shit, okay? This is _my _problem, and I don't care how much you're convinced that we're fucking made for each other, because apparently you can't see what's obvious!"

"Which would be—"

"That I'm a _whore!" _she yelled. "I'm a good-for-nothing, stupid, mindless whore! I'm not the same Dawn you have dreamt up in your fantasies, so do me a favor and just get the hell out!"

It looked like someone had just yanked the world out from underneath Kenny. "Dawn—"

"Get out," she said again, shoving him. He stared at her in shock. "Get out get out get _out!"_

"Dawn—"

"_Get out of my life!_"

The silence that followed was poisonous. Nobody moved, nobody spoke. Dawn and Kenny stood there, staring at each other, and she could only imagine what was running through his head. _Leave, _she pleaded. _Please._

She closed her eyes, and didn't open them again until she heard the door shut.

And it was in that instant that Dawn realized what she needed to do.

She pulled out her cell phone, trying not to think. What she wanted to do had to be done quickly, before she could change her mind.

Still numbed with the shock of what she was doing, she dialed the phone number and pressed the device to her ear.

"Hello?"

Her heart dropped as she heard the familiar voice over the line.

_This is it._

"Hi, it's Dawn. Sorry to be calling so late, but there's something I think you should know…"

A/N: Oh, the drama! And, look at that nice cliffie—who did Dawn call at the end of the chapter? What's she going to do about Kenny? Which guy will she ultimately wind up with?

Anyway, leave a review. Or don't. Your choice. Reviews motivate me to write faster, for the record… xD

Love you all.

Xoxo,

Vikki


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **Okay, so this update is a _tad _overdue…eh. May as way have heightened the suspense, right?

Ahem. Anyway, hope you all enjoy.

Blessings,

Vikki

Oh Shit, I'm Screwed…

It was painful, in a way.

Dawn tried to plaster a smile on her face as Barry continued to talk to her, telling her about how he was just _excited-_excited for the future, excited for life, and excited for their relationship. He was having a good day—a great one at that. Partially because he had recently had a revelation, and he was going to head back on the road as a trainer again. Dawn knew exactly why he was so excited though. It was the big elephant in the room—the fact that Kenny had packed his bags and left Twinleaf town almost as quickly as he had come. Dawn didn't think it was a coincidence that he'd left only a few days after she'd told him to get out of her life, and it suddenly made one thing very clear to her.

Kenny had left behind coordinating and came back to Twinleaf Town not because the media was being a pain in the ass or his parents wanted him to, but because of Dawn. And, as she sat there and listened to the words of inspiration spilling out of Barry's mouth, she didn't know what stung more—the fact that Kenny had come to Twinleaf Town for her, or the fact that he left because she broke his heart.

"…damn, how'd I ever get to be so lucky?" Barry said, squeezing Dawn's shoulder.

"Hmm?"

"You," Barry said, a smile stretching across his face. He let out a small laugh. "Goddammit, I'm so ready for our future together…I just don't know what I ever did to deserve you."

Dawn had to tear her gaze away from him. Holding a straight face wasn't possible.

"That means a lot to me, Barry." She couldn't have sounded more hallow and unconvincing.

Barry didn't notice. "_You _mean a lot to me," he said. He contemplated for a minute, then reached over to his jacket and pulled out a jewelry box. For a fleeting moment, Dawn felt the blood drain from her body.

_He's proposing?_

She sighed in relief as Barry opened the box. It was a only necklace, with a small, iridescent pearl strung on a platinum chain. Though it tore her heart in half when he put the necklace on her, she was relieved that he hadn't proposed. She knew that would be the breaking point for her—the guilt would spill over, and before she knew it, she'd be confessing her heart and soul to him. The truth would have to come out at some point. Dawn's most recent encounter with Kenny proved that. No matter how much she wished she could, it would be impossible to hide her affairs with Ash and Paul for much longer.

"I love you, Dawn," he said softly. "I've never felt this way about anyone before."

"Barry—"

"No, let me finish," he said, wiping the sweat from his hands onto his jeans. "I need to get this out."

Dawn gulped back some tears, taking a quick glance at her clock. She couldn't hold up her act of innocence for much longer, and she didn't know how much more of it she could take.

"We're only eighteen—we're too young to get married." He recognized the shocked look on Dawn's face, and turned a brilliant shade of red. "I know, I'm being forward here, but I really just want to take the next step. I don't…well, I'm not afraid of commitment."

She sighed. "Look, Barry…"

"We've been dating for over six months now, and I really just want you to know that having a future with you is something I'd love." He ran his hands through his hair, forcing himself to look her in the eye as he spoke. "We don't have to talk about marriage anytime soon, but…well, um, what I'm really trying to say…" he took a deep breath. "I want you to move in with me."

Dawn stared at him for a minute, not being able to make sense of the words that had just come out of his mouth. He was so sweet, so sincere…he wanted her to move in with him. She couldn't imagine the bravery it must have taken him, how long he wanted to say the things he said. A sense of absolute dread washed over her—she knew what she had to do. She'd been trying to distance herself from Barry since she and Kenny last saw each other, since she was starting to see just how much fallout Barry would have to deal with if he knew about everything else. Now, Dawn realized that Barry was not only a sweet, committed boyfriend, but that he had a really thick skull. _How _could he not realize what Dawn had been doing to him? She'd been dropping hints, she'd flirted with other men in front of him! She'd been trying to distance herself from him, and there he was, only wanting to get _closer._

She felt her heart break. This was the moment, and she knew it. She had to tell Barry the truth.

"Barry…" he words caught in her throat.

"Yes?" he said, his gaze inquiring.

And, no matter how much she knew she had to, she couldn't.

"I love you," she said, her voice breaking as she kissed him. He was taken off guard by her sudden action, but he didn't seem to mind. What hurt the most was that Dawn was finally starting to see that she _did _mean it. No matter how many times she tried to tell herself that it wasn't Barry she wanted, she knew she was lying. She loved him. She always would.

"You whore."

Dawn and Barry broke, and felt her heart stop.

In front of her stood Ash.

"Ash," she breathed.

"Excuse me?" Barry said, pulling away from Dawn and looking at Ash, confused.

"You heard me."

Barry looked at him, exasperated. "Did you just call my girlfriend a whore?"

_This isn't happening. _Dawn felt her breath get caught in her throat.

Ash turned away from Barry, deciding he wasn't worth his time. He glared at Dawn, seething.

"There's a lot of things I knew you were, Dawn. I just didn't know that one of them was stupid."

Dawn opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She knew exactly what he was implying.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Barry demanded, gripping the arm of the sofa so hard that his knuckles turned white.

_Please, _Dawn wanted to plead to Ash. But she knew what the words were before they came out of his mouth.

"You were actually _stupid _enough to tell Misty?"Ash exclaimed. Blood ran to his face. "Do you have _any _idea what you've done? She wasn't ready to hear that!"

Barry stood up. "Ash, calm down—"

"Let me tell you something, Barry," Ash said, shoving him. Barry looked at him in utter shock.

"Ash, please," Dawn begged. Her voice was barely a whisper.

He turned to her. "Call it karma, bitch. My girlfriend wasn't ready to hear the truth, and neither is your boyfriend."

"_What _truth?" Barry yelled.

"That she's been sleeping with me!" Ash roared. "Your girlfriend and I have been having sex since before you two got together!"

Barry glared. "You filthy _liar. _You honestly expect me to believe that?"

Ash threw his hand up in disbelief. "Ask _her!" _he bellowed. He jabbed a finger in Dawn's direction. "Go on, tell him Dawn, tell him like you told Misty," he screamed.

She remained frozen where she sat, her throat dry. Barry looked her, and with every passing second, his expression faltered more. He snapped his head back to Ash.

"Get the hell out of my house," he said, his voice full of venom.

Ash glared at him for a second, then backed up. Before he shut the door, he turned around. "We're done, Dawn," he called. "I'm over this. I told you before—I'm in love with Misty. I was just with you for the sex."

The slam that followed filled the air with a kind of poison, All the while, a string of thoughts was running through Dawn's mind, and none of them could connect to anything. She wanted nothing more than to melt into the floor, to become an invisible speck of nothing. She knew that if she had the guts to look Barry in the eye, it would very well kill her. Nothing hurt more than this—nothing hurt more than knowing what had just happened, and realizing what was about to happen.

"Was he telling the truth, Dawn?"

She continued to stare at the floor as the tears welled in her eyes. She barely bobbed her head as a nod.

"Dawn?" he asked, his voice breaking.

She forced herself to look up.

Someone might as well have taken a black marker and have written the word PAIN on Barry's forehead. His eyes were clouded, and his entire expression showed nothing but agony in its purest form. Dawn wished for nothing more in the entire world than to just wipe the expression off of his face, and fill it with the smile she'd grown so used to loving. She wanted that smile back—she wanted _Barry _back. But, sitting in his living room that afternoon, there was only one thing she was sure about.

She would never know that Barry again. Her luck had run out.

"Yes," she whispered.

"What?" his lip quivered.

Dawn took a deep breath. She had never had to try so hard before to gain even an ounce of composure.

"Every word that came out of Ash's mouth is true," she said softly. She averted her gaze from Barry.

"What?" he said again.

"A few nights ago, I called Misty. I needed to explain to her…I needed to set things right. So I told her. I told her Ash was cheating on her. With me." Dawn's voice cracked. Tears spilled from her eyes. She took a deep breath. "Ash was right. I am a whore."

Barry's expression went from pained to almost stony. She'd never seen him so lifeless and empty before in his entire life.

"I'm sorry," she said. She sounded pathetic.

"There's more you aren't telling me, is there?" he said.

"Aside from the fact that I was sleeping with Ash?"

"I get the feeling that there's something much bigger than that."

Dawn slowly nodded her head. There was no point in hiding anything anymore.

"Paul," she told him.

Barry looked at her, confused at first. "What do you mean?"

"I think you already know." She suddenly broke out sobbing, unable to control herself. "Goddammit, I don't know what I've done. I found myself with two affairs at the same time, and I couldn't stop it, I was just so weak…"

Her cries echoed through Barry's house, and she wanted nothing more than for him to comfort her and to give her a big hug. But, she sat there alone, with a pained Barry standing in front of her, still trying to overcome the shock of the news. After what seemed like a while, her tears reduced for sniffles. She couldn't look Barry in the eye as he spoke.

"I think you should leave, Dawn," he said.

"Barry, I'm so sorry," she blubbered.

He walked over, bringing her head up and forcing her to look at him, and to see the pain etched across his face.

"You mean _nothing _to me now," he practically spat.

Dawn whimpered.

"I loved you, Dawn. I really did." He walked away, turning his back to her. "Get out of my house," he said. His voice sounded impassive. "You disgust me."

It felt as though the fire in Dawn had died. There was nothing left except for the shell of the girl she used to be. She couldn't wrap her head around anything solid all the while as she went home, and even when she did, the shock and magnitude of what had just happened pierced her like a knife. There would be waves of pain, then waves of nothing. She either numb or in agony. There was never an in between.

A phone call from Paul was all she needed to bring her out of her misery.

"Thank God," she sobbed as she picked up the receiver, hearing Paul's voice over the phone.

"Dawn, is everything alright?"

If she hadn't been so distraught, on any other day she would've realized the concern in his voice and have taunted him for it.

She couldn't even respond to his question, she was so upset.

"I'll be over there in ten minutes," he told her. "Hold on, Dawn. Whatever it is, everything will be okay."

Slamming the phone down, all she could think was, _No, it won't._

**A/N**: …and there, I've just eliminated one ship. The road ends here for you pearlshippers. No, this isn't the last you'll see of Barry or Kenny. There's still more to come in later chapters. A good portion of the remaining part of this story, however, _does_ revolve around Paul. Just sayin'

Until then, hope you all had a good holiday. Enjoy the New Year.

Blessings,

Vikki


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **Er . . . hi. Well, it's been a while. I haven't updated this story in, what, two months? Oh, go ahead and flame me in the reviews. I deserve it. *hangs head in shame*

But, good news is, updates from now on will be once a week. I've finished Frostbite (alleluia!) after writing this monstrosity for over a year. I wrote the first ten chapters exactly a year ago, and I'm ready to kick myself. (Say what you want, but that writing _sucks.)_ So, hopefully this chapter will be less-sucky than my fourteen-year-old writing was.

Xoxox,

Vikki

_And There Goes the Strict Bastard Regiment . . ._

There was a lot of crying that night. It didn't go unprecedented, which was the main thing. The guilt had been present in Dawn's life for a few months. That night was the breaking point. She was cut off from everything she'd come to know from her eighteenth birthday onward. And, if she wasn't so upset, she would've realized that was the night she found something in Paul.

He didn't question her as she flung herself into his arms. He stroked her hair as she stood there, slumped against him in the darkness, sobbing into his shoulder to the point where his shirt was soaked. He didn't fight back when Dawn, still crying, insisted that they get right down to it and have sex. He knew he'd regret sleeping with her when she was as hurt as she was. It wasn't like Dawn knew what she was doing, anyway—her emotions were off in all sorts of directions. But, as they stripped down and she jumped into his bed (still crying), Paul hung on to the only thought that mattered.

_I'll regret it in the morning. If this is what she needs right now, then I'll be here for her._

"I screwed up."

Paul put a finger to her lips, shaking his head. His arms were wrapped around her, the sheet strewn over them. His room was lit by the light of the moon, and a gentle breeze rustled the curtains of his open window.

"I screwed up so badly," she whispered. Another tear slid down from her eye.

Paul shook his head again, closing his eyes.

She frowned, turning over to him.

He raised an eyebrow. "Well, what do you want me to say?"

"Anything."

"Like what?"

"I don't know!" she exclaimed. "That I had this coming, that I deserve to be miserable, that I'm nothing but a whore..."

"I'm not saying anything that isn't true." Paul kept his expression stony.

She shook her head, burying her face in the sheets. "I hate this," she wailed.

He rubbed her back, bringing her as close to him as he could tolerate. He wasn't used to crying girls. To be entirely honest, he wasn't used to girls at all. Dawn was the exception though. So, he rubbed her back, hoping (in the back of his mind) that whatever he was doing would somehow help her.

"I screwed up worse than you did," he said. He tried to keep his voice as flat as possible. "I blackmailed you. I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself for that."

"You aren't forgiven," she said. "But you're on your way."

He stifled a hard, hollow laugh. "Oh really?"

"Yes, really. At least you don't call me disgusting." Her voice broke a bit.

"You're _not _disgusting. And I'm going to castrate the bastard if he says anything like that again."

"You should've seen the look on his face," she whispered. "He was so hurt…" She took a deep breath in, wiping her eyes. "I messed up so badly."

"So?"

"I broke him! I ruined Ash and Misty's relationship, I drove Kenny out of town—and now I'm probably ruining your night by forcing you into comfort sex."

He lifted an eyebrow. "You really think that comfort sex would ruin my night?"

"It would ruin mine."

He shook his head. "No, no. What ruined my night is seeing you like this."

She turned around to face him, shooting a suspicious look.

"What?" he exclaimed.

"You sneaky little bastard," she said. She punched his shoulder. "How come you've been hiding your decent side for this long?"

"What do you mean?"

"You always acted like such a douche."

He shrugged. "That's because I am a douche."

"You're decent enough to comfort Sinnoh's slut," she muttered.

He sighed. "Well, you're an exception," he said. "I'm not decent. I'm a douche that _can _be decent. But only when he wants to."

"Then keep being decent," she said quietly. "Please. What you've been saying, it's making me feel better."

He shrugged, giving her a squeeze and dropping his voice. "We all screw up, Dawn," he started. "Some screw-ups are worse than others. Yours was monumentally bad"—Dawn snorted—"but that doesn't mean there aren't people out there that will still love you." He reddened, taking a deep breath as he said, "Dawn, you're the kind of girls a lot of guys crush on, myself included. I don't blame you for taking advantage of that. And I don't blame you for not being able to recognize your boundaries, since I also didn't. But you stopped. And that's the important thing." He continued, meeting Dawn's gaze. "You can't change the past, but you can always make a better future for yourself."

They were quiet for a minute. Another breeze came through the window, and it was then that Paul realized how cold it was. It was mid-November, after all. What the hell was he doing with an open window anyway? He threw the sheet off of him, standing up and walking to shut the window. He wished he was wearing clothing. Being hit with a blast of cold air while being butt naked was less than pleasant.

And, without warning, she starting laughing.

Paul snapped his head back around, finding Dawn covering her mouth as she tried to stop herself from bursting out hysterically. He frowned, crossing his arms as he waited for the fit of giggles to subside.

"Sorry," she said, once she was able to get a hold of herself. "It's just…you sounded so much like a Christmas card…" she then spluttered, and the laughter continued. Paul waited, rolling his eyes.

_At least she's smiling, _he thought.

After a few minutes passed, he grabbed his boxers from the floor, throwing them on for some measure of decency. He lay atop the covers, holding Dawn again.

"What, d'you want me to go back to my strict bastard regiment?"

Though she was still smiling, a look of seriousness crossed her face. "No. I…I like this. Whatever this is. I like…" she trailed off.

"Yeah?"

"I can be honest with you, and I feel something with you. And I like that." She gulped. "I could never be straightforward with Barry." She opened her mouth to say more, but shut it quickly.

"Go on," he said. "Like you just said, you can be honest with me."

"I haven't been straightforward with anyone," she said softly. "Not since my birthday, at least. I had to lie to Barry. And Ash was no walk in the park either. Sure, he'd _say _he didn't really love Misty, but I knew he did. I was just too blinded with lust to accept that." She sighed. "What are we going to do, Paul?"

He shrugged. "This," he said. "Living. Breathing. Being."

"Can I get more than some ominous answer, oh-wise-one?"

He cracked a smile. "Whatever you're up for." He stopped for a minute, thinking. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't pictured Dawn as more than just someone he slept with. There was the occasional thought where he'd wonder what being in Barry's shoes was like. Though he told himself that would never happen, now the prospect was more likely.

Dawn didn't miss a beat. "What is it?" she asked.

"Dawn...I'm up for whatever you want to do," he said again. Of course he wasn't going to bring up the idea of being her boyfriend. Barry had broken her heart only a few hours before. To do that would be sick and twisted at the very least.

_But we did just have sex, _he thought before he could stop himself.

"I'm also up for living, breathing and being," she said.

He rolled his eyes, punching her arm. "Oh, shut up."

She laughed. "I don't really want to rush into anything just yet. But…I'm not going anywhere," she said.

"You saying you're still going to be in my bed?" he asked.

"Yeah. But I want there to be something more than just that. I want…" she stopped herself before she could continue.

"Do you want to take a stab at an actual relationship?" he blurted before he knew what he was saying.

Dawn gave him a strange look that made his stomach drop. _IDIOT, _he thought. He put it on his mental list to kick himself later. _What a stupid, stupid thing to say…_

It felt like the weight of the world was lifted off his shoulders when he saw Dawn smile and nod. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess so."

**A/N: **Hope you guys enjoyed this, I had a lot of fun writing the ikarishipping here :D If ikarishipping makes bile rise out of your throat, don't worry, you'll be seeing Kenny and Barry again.

For those of you that are fans of Ash and Misty, check out my new story _Fighting Dragons With You. _I'm completely in love with it at the moment, and updates are pretty consistent. (_Notes and Roses _fans, you'll especially like this :D)

Blessings,

Vikki


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **Hey babes, new chappie up today. Hope you guys enjoy this one, and my apologies if it sounds a little too . . . depressing? I wrote this right after I found out my grandfather died, but like one famous-author-who's-name-I-can't-remember-said: "When you're going through hell, you're writing is the best."

Hugs,

Vikki

So, What Happens Next?

Dawn didn't want to trick herself into thinking she was in love with Paul. After all the shit he put her through, it would take a little more than one night of decency from him to make her fall in love. At least, that's what she told herself. Over and over and over again.

But, in reality, she had no idea. Because, for the first time in nine months, she felt decent. She was completely and whole-heartedly honest with Paul. And, whenever she felt the pangs of guilt come back, he would be there. He would hold her as she cried, he would use his dry sense of humor to cheer her up, and he would say the right things when he had to.

She was almost happy again.

"You kidding me? Whatsherface's acting was _terrible."_

Dawn rolled her eyes. "_Kristen Stewart, _Paul. Hey, I thought she was pretty good!"

He snorted. "She looks like a sleep-deprived pothead. 'Oh, Edward, I love you,'" he mimicked in a voice a good two octaves higher. "You are my life, Bella.'" He dropped his voice again. He shook his head, pretending to gag.

Dawn pursed her lips, trying not to laugh. "Oh, shut up," she said, slapping him.

"Hey, we got to see your Vampire movie. Next week you get to sit through two and a half hours of blood, guts and gore."

"Can we _please_ not see that Saw movie?" Dawn whined.

"I begged not to see your chick-flick, but you made me anyway."

"Hate you."

"Love you too, sweetheart."

Dawn scrunched her nose. He knew she hated it when he called her sweetheart. She punched him again, and he laughed.

He put his arm around her shoulders as the two of them walked away from the movie theater. She got as close to him as she could. It was _cold. _Winter hit Twinleaf town late that year, but it hit hard. She looked at the snowbanks that bordered the streets. They must've been at least five feet tall.

"Funny how we get snow the day after Christmas, right?" she said.

"We didn't get snow. We got a blizzard."

"Mother nature's a bitch. Would it take her too much effort to dump two feet of snow a day earlier?"

He shrugged. "Like you said, mother nature's a bitch."

They continued to walk along. Dawn never knew just how easy talking to Paul would be. There weren't many awkward silences, and she knew that every word coming out of Paul's mouth was the truth. Maybe that was why being with him made her feel as good as she did.

As they walked along, she stopped in front of the door of a jewelry store. She hadn't been anywhere near there since April, the night she slept with Ash for the second time. A wave of nostalgia washed over her. April had felt like a lifetime ago. Her hand flew up to her neck, and she desperately thought, _please tell me I'm not wearing that necklace._

"Dawn?" Paul said, squeezing her shoulder.

She exhaled in relief when she felt her fingers encircling the necklace Paul had gotten her for Christmas. She looked back through the window of the jewelry store.

"You okay?" Paul asked.

She paused for a minute. "Yeah," she said. "Just having a moment."

He nodded. As he started to walk away from the store, she grabbed his hand, stopping him. "Can we pop inside for a minute?" she asked before she knew what she was saying.

She knew it was a bad idea the moment the words came out of her mouth. What good would it do her to go inside? Too much pain was attached with that place. She hadn't heard from Ash since he burst in to Barry's apartment a month before. It was almost as if their affair never existed.

_I don't want it to exist, _she reminded herself. It would be so much easier for her to just forget. Then again, forgetting the affair would be forgetting Ash. She couldn't forget eight years of friendship. No, what she needed was closure. She needed to know that the past was behind her. It was just a jewelry store, after all. What harm could it do?

She grasped Paul's hand as she walked into the store, coming face to face with the last person she wanted to see. She tried turn around to walk out unnoticed, but it was too late.

"Well, look who's here."

She took a deep breath, finding herself nose to nose with Barry.

Her throat was dry as sandpaper.

Barry gave her a cruel smile. "Cat got your tongue, sweetheart?"

And she thought she hated it when Paul called her that. Hearing it come from Barry's mouth made her insides churn.

She tried to look away from him, but it wasn't much help. Barry wasn't alone.

She was looking into the pained face of Kenny.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, gripping on to Paul as an anchor.

"Buying Leona her birthday gift." He cracked a smile. "Oh, she didn't tell you? We started dating."

Betrayal was the first thing Dawn felt. Last she checked, Leona was right up there with Zoey as one of her best friends.

_But you haven't heard from her in a month._

"Dawn, let's get out of here," Paul said, turning her around and shooting a glare in Barry's direction.

"Oh, so now you're running with him?" Barry said. "I don't know why I expected more from you."

Before she could stop herself, Dawn let go of Paul and turned back around to Barry.

"Don't you _dare _talk about Paul that way. You can trash me all you want, but you're half the man he is!" she exclaimed, getting right in Barry's face. When did his eyes become so cold?

"He blackmailed you into sleeping with him, and you're saying _I'm _the bad one?"

"_You called me disgusting."_

He laughed. "You would've done the same thing if you were in my shoes. What would you tell me if you knew I was sleeping with two other girls? How would you react if you found out I'd kissed your best friend?"

Silence. Dawn didn't have an answer. She looked over at Kenny. His gaze was towards the ground.

"How'd you know about the kiss?" she asked softly.

"He told me. And I forgave him."

Dawn didn't take her eyes off of Kenny. His head bobbed up, and for a brief second, they were looking in each other's eyes. Almost as quickly as it happened, he looked back down.

"And you have nothing to say?" Her voice was shaky as she addressed Kenny.

He never responded.

"Dawn . . ." Paul said, grabbing her hand. She jerked hers away.

"You know it's not going to last," Barry continued. He pointed at Paul. "It's only a matter of time before you move on to the next guy. Or, you'll just cheat on him. That's what you did with me. You just can't admit it to yourself."

Dawn readied herself to shoot back the most poisonous insult she could, but no sound came out of her mouth. _He's lying, _Dawn thought to herself._ I love Paul. He treats me right. _

Only a split second later did she realize how wrong that thought rang in her head. Because, no matter what, Barry was right. She didn't love Paul, and she wasn't only in it for the sex. She was in it to distract herself from the guilt. She needed someone to tell her she wasn't a dirty whore. She needed someone who she could believe was being completely honest with her.

She needed someone who could build her up to be something more than she really was.

As Paul told her, "Don't listen to him, let's get out of here," Dawn felt like crying. She tore her gaze away from Barry, backing out of the jewelry store. Just before she turned around and sprinted down the street, she caught Kenny's gaze.

_Heartbroken _was the only word Dawn could use to describe him.

_Vengeful _was the only thing she could say about Barry.

And _blinded _was all she could use to describe Paul. He was blinded by what he thought was love. He was blinded by his infatuation with her.

She ran down the street, tearing through the cold winter night. She didn't stop to catch her breath. She didn't even know where she was going. She ran blindly through the darkness, her sobs echoing off the walls of the buildings. Why didn't she just leave this town? Why did she stick around, where the memories were so fresh and painful?

_Because I deserve to be in pain, _she thought. _Because I'm nothing but a mindless, dirty whore. _

It felt like ages when she finally wound up at her apartment. She stumbled through the door, collapsing onto her bed. She was exhausted from running through all of Twinleaf town. All she could was lie there and cry, letting the pain consume her.

No more than an hour later, Paul walked through the door.

Before he could open his mouth, Dawn shouted, "Get out!"

"Dawn, please don't tell me you believe—"

"Get out!" she wailed. She got up, punching him repeatedly and screaming "Get out!" until her voice cracked. He stood there, dumbfounded and winded.

She tried not to think about how similar this was with her encounter with Kenny only a few months before, but she was pretty sure she hadn't punched him.

It seemed like ages until Paul finally had the sense to leave Dawn alone. Even as he backed through the door, he tried to force some comforting and encouraging words out of his mouth. Not that they mattered to Dawn. She knew he was just basing them off of the person he thought Dawn was.

As the door shut, Dawn collapsed onto the floor. She didn't get back up

**A/N: **I flip a coin tonight to see how this story ends—happy or sad. I've got two endings planned out, and I can't decide which one to post. Vote on my poll if you'd like. If I _do _wind up giving this story a happy ending, then I know which pairing I'm going with. If it's a sad ending, then I get to write a tragedy.

New _Fighting Dragons With You _chapter goes up on Friday. I solemnly swear it's the best I've ever written in my life.

Xoxo,

Vikki

PS. Oh, as for the Twilight reference . . . Paul represents my opinion. And so does Dawn. I'm not sure if I'm exactly on the love it or hate it side of the fence :D


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **This chapter is just tipping my hat to character development, in all honesty. Dawn's been through so much in the past 20,000 words, so getting some insight as to how she thinks is necessary at this point.

I've decided which way I'm going, and next chapter may or may not be the final one. What I can tell you is this—it's going to be a big one.

**Exactly **_**when **_**did this become a nightmare?**

**Oh, right.**

**It always was.**

You can't keep a job if you don't show up for work. Dawn's manager left her a voicemail after three days of unexcused absences. It didn't surprise Dawn that her manager was so quick to fire her. If anything, Dawn got the impression she wanted her gone. Dawn's heart was never in being a waitress, and it showed. The only thing Dawn ever poured her heart into was coordinating, and even that was gone.

_Why did I ever quit?_

Dawn's last contest was the Grand Festival, and that was when she was seventeen. Going into it, she promised herself that if she lost, she'd do something else. Kenny obliterated her in the top sixteen, and that was that. Just before her eighteenth birthday, she found a job working as a waitress in a restaurant right across the street from her childhood house.

She didn't want to think about her birthday. She was sitting on her bed, looking at a blank wall. She hadn't showered in three days. She'd been wearing the same pajamas for the past week. Her groceries had been delivered, so she hadn't left her apartment since the incident at the jewelry store. That had been a good three weeks before.

Paul would call, but she'd never answer. She didn't want to hear what he had to say. He didn't know her. He just thought he did.

When you're sitting around your house from sunrise to sunset, it gives you plenty of time to think. That seemed to be the only thing Dawn did. A part of her wanted to wipe the past ten months from her memory, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't forget. It would always be part of her.

So, she thought. She spent her days looking back onto her life since her eighteenth birthday, since the day she moved back to Twinleaf town, since the day she quit coordinating. She kept looking, searching, and trying to figure out where she went wrong. Exactly what was it that drove her to spend what was supposed to be the best part of her life cooped up in her apartment?

She couldn't find an answer. No matter how much she looked and how much she analyzed, she didn't know where she went wrong. As the weeks passed, she began to wonder if giving up was her only option. Maybe it would be better for her to give up on life. It wasn't like the world would care if it was short of one person like her.

It was four weeks into her silence when her "identity crisis" began, if you could even call it that much. Who _was _she, exactly? Did Dawn even know? Was there a way for her to tell? Ash believed she was something of a man-eater, based on the way he acted the last time she'd seen him. It was almost like he believed she was out to seduce any guy she could. Not that she blamed him, for what it was worth.

She decided Ash was right.

Then she thought about Barry. It felt like they were together a lifetime ago. How easily and quickly he was able to turn on her and to break her. It wasn't like she could blame him either. She broke him first. She promised they would be together, and that they would have a future together. She missed the Barry she used to know—the one that was always in a good mood and never had a bad day. Somewhere along the way, the Barry she'd come to fall in love with disappeared. All that was left was a cold-blooded copy of him.

It hurt her to think about Paul. It hurt to know that he was desperately trying to reach her and to get through to her. At first, she hated him. She _loathed _him. Who in their right mind would blackmail someone into sleeping with them? How could he do something like that? But, Dawn's biggest concern was, _when did he fall for me? What did I ever do that made him change? _He claimed that he hadn't changed, and that he always had the capability to be a decent person. Dawn knew better. She knew that somewhere along the way, he changed. Someone who he used to view as nothing more than a slut became the girl he wound up falling for. The fact that he had the ability to love at all was surprising enough. And, just like the selfish person she was, Dawn broke him. She broke his heart.

It took her five weeks until she could bring herself to think of Kenny. The look in his eyes would never leave her, and she knew that. She would never understand the pain she had put him through. So what if she never slept with him? He was the only person who loved her for who she was. Barry always said he loved her, but he didn't know the truth. Paul said he loved her, but he was in love with someone who he _thought_ was her. And if there was one thing she knew for sure, she knew that Ash was never in love with her.

But Kenny loved her regardless. He loved her even after he knew of the mess she'd gotten in. He wasn't in love with some fantasy version of her like she thought he was. After seeing him in the Jewelry store, she knew how much she hurt him. She hurt him more than she hurt Barry and Paul combined. That hurt could only come from real, honest love.

So, now there was only one thing she wanted to know. Where did she go wrong?

Was it sleeping with Ash, the night of her eighteenth birthday? Was it getting together with Barry as a way to distract herself from what she'd done? Was it sleeping with Ash again, when she shouldn't have? Or was it when she let Paul continue to sleep with her, even after he called their deal off?

There was only one thing she'd done right, and that was calling Misty. Not that it did her much good, since she was already in so deep. At least she hadn't gone any deeper. Otherwise, Dawn sure that she would be dead-dead from the guilt and the pain that came with sleeping with three men at once.

Not that being dead was a difference from where she was at now. She was only a notch up.

Dawn broke her silence six weeks in, exactly a month before her nineteenth birthday.

It happened when Zoey walked through the door.

"Oh my god," Zoey exclaimed upon seeing her. She ran forward, giving Dawn a squeeze as she cried into her shoulder. She hadn't cried since the day at the jewelry store.

"Zoey, you don't want to see me right now," Dawn blubbered, trying to push her away.

She wouldn't budge. "Don't be ridiculous."

"You don't know what I've done."

Zoey looked her in the eye, her expression sympathetic. "Actually, I do."

Dawn shook her head. "I bet you don't know the whole story."

"You wanna bet?" Zoey said. Before Dawn could stop her, Zoey rattled off everything that had happened since her eighteenth birthday, down to the jewelry store. She recited it without much emotion, only giving Dawn the facts. For some reason, hearing the story of Dawn's life come from Zoey's mouth was harder than reliving it would have been.

"Who told you?" Dawn asked.

"Leona and Kenny. Barry told Leona a little while back. They just recently broke up," Zoey said, seeing the expression on Dawn's face.

"She must hate me."

"Leona isn't too happy with you," Zoey admitted. "To be entirely honest, I don't think anyone is."

It felt like someone had washed Dawn in cold water.

"Then what are you here for?" Dawn asked. "To tell me how badly I messed up? You don't have to. I already know."

"Do you know me at all? Of course that's not why I'm here," Zoey said firmly. She grasped Dawn's shoulders. "I'm going to spare you the lecture, because if my guess is right, you've been hurt enough. Dawn, it doesn't have to be like this. You're a strong person, and you have the ability to change it. Being unemployed and sitting in your apartment for months on end isn't going to help though."

"Then what am I supposed to do?"

"Get back into the world. Go back to coordinating. You've probably heard this before, but you can't change the past. But you _are _worth more than you think you are. You deserve happiness as much as everyone else does. Don't doubt it for a minute."

Zoey continued to talk, but Dawn didn't catch much of what she was saying. Zoey sounded too much like Paul had three months before.

It seemed like the more someone tried to help Dawn, the worse she'd break them.

**A/N: **Hope you guys enjoyed this one, I had a load of fun writing it. Next update will probably be next week (if not the week after), so stay posted :D

Xoxo,

Vikki


	15. Chapter 15

1st A/N: The X's are pagebreaks. FF DocManager seems to hate me.

2nd A/N: This is so inexcusably late, I can't even begin to repent. A year is downright unacceptable. And yet, here it is—the final, longest, and (in my opinion) most full-filling chapter of _Frostbite._

**This isn't a Fairytale, this is Life**

"_Get back into the world. Go back to coordinating. You've probably heard this before, but you can't change the past. But you are worth more than you think you are. You deserve happiness as much as everyone else does. Don't doubt it for a minute."_

X X X

Early spring in Twinleaf town was especially beautiful. Rolling out of bed on the morning of March 2nd, light filtered through Dawn's bedroom, casting something of a halo around her. She pulled off a few layers; the night was cold, but warmth came with morning. Tense as she usually was when she woke up, she stretched and shook herself out, walking out of her room. That morning, she jumped in the shower. Her hair—which had lately been a nest that would go a week without shampoo—was washed and combed. She made a point to wash her face and shave her legs for the first time in weeks; and, stepping out of the shower, the mirror told no lies.

Before Dawn's eighteen birthday, every Coordinating magazine in the country dubbed her as the "hottest girl on the field." Her hair was pin straight and glossy, her laser white smile plastered across her face constantly, her makeup always done . . . and she didn't leave anything to be desired when it came with flaunting her body, either. She liked attention. She liked to look good. And, at the height of her affairs with Ash, Barry, Paul and Kenny, everything superficial was given an even greater importance.

Looking in the mirror now, she faced what she'd done to herself. This wasn't her at her worst, without a doubt—all of the self-realization and emotional growth Dawn had done since she saw Zoey put her back on the right track, at least a little. She'd gained some weight back, and had gotten more exercise and sleep and sunshine. But three weeks worth of a half-assed effort to pull herself together didn't cover up any battle scars.

Her skin had regained some color, but it was still a sickly pallid shade. She could see her ribs, and skin hung where it was, a mark of how badly her body craved _real _exercise, the kind that couldn't be accomplished staying inside. A few shameful scars from her darkest weeks now marked her arms.

_ Today's the day everything changes,_ she thought as she combed through her hair again, running a hand through hair that—though not as glossy as it was before—held some familiarity. She dug around in one of her bathroom drawers, forgetting where she kept her makeup. Today was her today to clean herself up. It was her day to test just how much she'd grown since Zoey had seen her.

It didn't take her long to get ready; a swipe of mascara here, concealer there, some lipgloss. Not half as much makeup as she'd used to wear, anyway. She braided her hair, and decided after looking at her ends to trim an inch off the bottom. The old Dawn always had her hair done at a salon, and would've never trusted herself with cutting her own hair. But the new Dawn didn't mind. The new Dawn was older, wiser, and didn't need any more attention.

She'd gotten enough of that to last a lifetime.

As she sat down to eat breakfast that morning, negative thinking kept trying to get under her skin. _You're not ready for this. You're not ready to return to the world. You don't have your life back together. You never will._

But Dawn had done a lot of thinking over those past two months. The silence of her apartment was trapping her, and she didn't want to be a prisoner to herself and to what she'd done.

_I'm moving on, _she said, interrupting a stream of negative thoughts. _I have to, and I want to. I can't keep beating myself up about what I've done for forever. I deserve a second chance, and I'm not going to take advantage of it._

Reaching the door, her hand froze on the knob, and at the same time she couldn't bear the idea of leaving her apartment and staying in it. But she'd thought the moment over so many times in her head, so that the second she lost feeling in her hand, she regained it without much thought.

She opened the door and flung herself back into the world, all in celebration for her nineteenth birthday.

X X X

Walking into the contest hall that day filled Dawn up with a feeling of comfort and home and happiness and just about everything she'd been deprived of in the past year. She loved coordinating as much as the next person did, but god, she never realized how much she'd missed it. And when each and every one of Pokémon ran up and tackled her the minute she caught their eyes, she knew she'd never leave her home again.

Wake-up. Train. Eat. Breathe. Sleep. That became Dawn's regiment, day in and day out. For every hour of training she'd lost in the past year, she would make up with another two. She \ learned soon enough that Pokémon were nothing like men. It seemed like such an obvious fact. Then again, she hadn't been around too many Pokémon since her last Grand Festival.

In the heat of a contest (or a battle, for that matter), Dawn would find herself thinking of the four men in her life. Why, she didn't exactly know. But for some reason, thinking about them kept her going. She guessed it was funny, the fact that she'd been able to flip something that'd broken her into something that made her strong.

"I can't believe she's back here."

"She should've stayed on her home in Whore Island."

"She did _Ash Ketchum! _Isn't he engaged?"

"Such a drama queen . . ."

Dawn could've dealt without the added cattiness other coordinators gave her. The media, surprisingly, wasn't the biggest mudslinger. It didn't take her long to find out that Ash and Misty were in the process of tying the knot, and it seemed like the public wanted to shield themselves from anything that would ruin the chemical couple dynamic going on between Kanto's most sought after gym leader and best-looking idiot. But amongst serious coordinators, people talked. Girls talked, and guys talked. And, yes, Dawn was ridiculed. But like every other person in the world, Dawn had the right to remain silent. She didn't owe anyone an explanation.

There was one person, though, that Dawn felt like she did.

Barry walked into the Jubilife Contest Hall one blustery April morning, and instantaneously, whispers went throughout the room and all eyes were on them. Dawn felt herself turn beet red, not wanting another Jewelry Store fiasco. Barry, however, seemed almost as surprised to see her as she did to see him.

"Shit," she muttered. She turned to her Empoleon. "If I don't have the balls to say this, you better make sure I regret it later."

Empoleon, sensing her nerves, crossed his arms in a way that made Dawn feel like she was being reprimanded for not walking over to talk to Barry soon enough. She took a deep breath as she crossed the Hall, all eyes on her back.

"Hey."

Barry looked up, somewhat startled, somewhat . . . scared. "Hi."

"What're you doing here?"

His face flushed. "Training," he said. "If I'd known you'd be here, I wouldn't have come, believe me."

Dawn let out something of a sad sigh. His words had none of the spite they did before, and Dawn could tell he was more upset than anything else.

"Yeah, well, I don't really blame you."

Barry looked away from her, as if his shoes were suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. She didn't see the same Barry she'd seen in the Jewelry store.

"I'd say that I owe you an apology," she started. "But I've already given you one. Multiple times." Though he wasn't looking at her, Dawn could see his face go red. "I hurt you, but you hurt me too."

"Zoey told me about seeing you," he said. "She said you were a mess."

"I've . . . gotten stuff together since then," Dawn said carefully. She searched his expression. "And you? How've you been?"

Barry looked at her like felt like lashing out would be the easiest, most right thing in the world to do. Instead, he offered her a really small, almost emotionless smile. But still, it was there.

"Better, now," he said. "I thought I'd broken you."

"For a while there, you did."

"But you're better."

"But I'm better."

He paused, thinking for a second. "Did hurting me ride on your conscience?" he asked.

"Did hurting me ride on yours?"

"Don't answer a question with a question," he said.

Dawn took a deep breath. "Yes, it did. A lot. But I loved you, Barry. And by hurting you I was hurting a part of me. You hated me, and . . . I guess I kind of hated myself."

She wanted him to say that he never hated her, and that he never could. But this wasn't a storybook, and Dawn knew better. She knew there'd be some loose ends.

"Yeah, for a while I did. But I don't want to hate you, Dawn," he said. Now it was his turn to search her expression. He paused, then said, "And I don't think I have to anymore."

Dawn felt her heart lift. Things were far from fixed between her and Barry, and she knew that. But an angry Barry was one Dawn didn't want to know or think about—that was a Barry she couldn't wrap her head around. There would always be a divide between them, and she knew it. But now, she knew that Barry wasn't the villain anymore. Neither of them were.

As she turned on heel to walk away, she heard something come out of Barry's mouth. It was so quiet, she'd wonder later if she'd imagined it. But still, there it was, that one thought that made all the difference.

"I forgive you."

X X X

As the weather warmed and as Coordination became a bigger part of her life, Dawn would find herself happier, and feeling fuller.

It was on a sunny day at the end of April that she woke up to one new voicemail.

"Dawn, it's Paul. Listen, I was an ass. I shouldn't have done what I did." She heard a snort. _"We _shouldn't have done what we did. But it's too late now, and I don't think there's any reason . . . I don't see why we should . . ." he sounded frustrated with himself, stumbling over his words in typical Paul-fashion. "We should forget this happened. We should go back to the way things were before. So don't be surprised if I act like we're enemies when I see you, because I think that all of this time, we really were."

The line went dead, and Dawn stared the receiver of her phone, not knowing whether to be upset or . . . relieved.

She hadn't heard from Paul in weeks, and all she got from him was a voicemail saying he was sorry—but not really. She'd always thought that Paul never really knew who he was falling in love with, and that he had the Dawn in his head as someone completely different from the real Dawn. She'd made a lot of mistakes, and she had many regrets, but there was one thing she knew for sure. Paul was her biggest regret. There was never any love, just the idea of it.

They were always enemies.

"What a relief," Dawn decided.

X X X

_Dawn—_

_Sending this invitation was my idea, not Ash's. _

_We don't expect you to come, and it would be something of a relief if you didn't. I'm telling you this because you were honest with me, and now it's my turn to be honest with you. I was angry for a while, but I've gotten over what happened with you and Ash. Because, when you really love someone, you make sacrifices for them and forgive them. Remember that._

_I sincerely hope that one day you two will be able to forgive each other and yourselves. An eight year friendship shouldn't go to waste._

_-Misty_

Holding a white wedding invitation from Ash and Misty felt heavy in Dawn's hands. She'd wondered at first if this was Ash's idea of a sick joke, a way to stab her in the back and make her feel bad. And then she read Misty's note, the last person in the world she'd expect to be sympathetic to any degree.

"The fuck?" was all Dawn could think to say.

She sat at her table that night, an iced tea in one hand and a wedding invitation from one of her former lovers in the other. Of the four guys she'd been with, she hadn't expected to make amends with any of them, much less Ash. He was the one that had used her from the get-go, and she was the one that had nearly destroyed his and Misty's relationship. _He must've done something pretty drastic to make up for that,_ Dawn thought, flipping the invitation over in her hand.

A part of her was angry that Ash hadn't written the note himself. But, then again, she should've been happy she'd heard from them at all.

_An eight year friendship shouldn't go to waste._

Her heart raced over that line every time she read it. Misty was right. No matter how far in deep it her and Ash had gotten, she couldn't forget the time of her life when he'd been one of her greatest, most reliable friends. Ash knew her better than some of her best friends in the world—and she knew for a fact that if she hadn't had an affair with him, he would've been there for her.

It would take time, and that she was sure of. But from the sounds of it . . . her and Ash . . . there was just the smallest chance . . .

A loud banging on the door snapped her out of her reverie, and just about made her jump ten feet. Iced tea spilled all out of the glass, dousing her white tank.

"Shit," she exclaimed, rushing to grab a towel. Whoever it was standing outside of her door at ten PM on one of the hottest nights in May was beyond her. She hadn't left air conditioning all day. She groaned, pulling a gray hoodie over her. It was hot as hell out, but she'd kick herself before she answered the door and had someone see pink polka-dot bra.

And, when she saw who was standing at her doorway, she was beyond relieved for that gray hoodie

"Kenny."

Her voice sounded breathless, and that was sure as hell how she felt. She glanced him over, and with the biggest sigh of relief in her life, saw that the man standing in front of her remained unchanged. His hair was still a shaggy, overgrown mess, he still had a build with an uncanny resemblance to Hercules, and his eyes held all of the familiarity she knew before.

"Hi," he said to her.

She didn't really know what to make of the figure standing in the doorway—an old friend, or someone who's heart she'd broken. But what she did know was the old Dawn would've slammed the door right in his face, not wanting to deal with the burst of emotion that was in store for her.

What the new Dawn knew, however, was that she couldn't stand in a fleece hoodie outside in ninety-six degree weather for more than another second.

"Hi, um . . . come in," she said, swinging the door open.

X X X

"Word on the street says you're back to coordinating."

Dawn looked up from pouring him a glass of iced tea. They were sitting down at her kitchen table. "I'm sure that's not all people are talking about."

Kenny pretended not to hear that. "People think you're gonna win this year." Dawn raised an eyebrow. "The Grand Festival. At least, that's only what last years' winners are saying." A smirk crossed his face, and he wondered if Dawn would feed into it.

"I've been training a lot," Dawn said, short and dismissively. Above all things, she should've been thrilled that Kenny had showed up on her doorstep, acting as if the whole nightmare of her affairs hadn't happened. But the idle chit-chat was painful, and the elephant in the room was only getting bigger.

"D'you think you'll go to the contest in—"

"Kenny," Dawn interrupted, "What're you doing?" He looked startled. "Why are you doing this to yourself? I'm pretty sure there's a lot more on your mind than contests right now."

There was a pause. "You're different."

She snorted. "Obviously."

"No, I mean you're . . . stronger, almost. You're facing this."

The room was really quiet for a minute. Dawn's emotional growth wasn't something she'd talked about with anyone. "You're not," she said. "Different, I mean. I can still see the four-year-old with finger paint all over his face."

He laughed, and Dawn felt her heart lift in a way it hadn't for a long time. "I'm glad you've still got a sense of humor." How long had it been since she'd last laughed with someone?

She realized that that's all that had to be said in regards to her emotional growth, and that Kenny wouldn't have pressed any further, and that she didn't have to talk about what she'd been through. Oddly enough though, a part of her wanted to.

"I guess I am stronger," she said. "You know, I let the four of you—" she paused, seeing the expression on Kenny's face, "—excuse me, the _three _of _them_ choose how happy I was. And that was my fault. I let that happen, because letting someone else make me happy was a lot easier than doing it myself."

She blushed, hardly able to believe the words coming out of her mouth. They were embarrassing, alright, but it felt liberating to finally say them, to say what she'd learned and what had taken her so long to figure out.

"So what's different now?" Kenny asked.

"I guess . . . I don't need a guy to make me happy." She smiled. "I'm a _feminist,"_ she drawled out, and hearing it roll off her tongue the way it did sent her and Kenny into another fit of laughter. She'd missed laughing. It felt nice, comfortable—especially with someone like him.

His expression softened then, and he folded his hands almost nervously in his lap. He looked her in the eye and said, "I owe you an apology."

Floored, Dawn could only stare back. "You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not. I'm . . .not proud of myself, Dawn."His expression suddenly became un-recognizable, almost . . . angry. "I just stood there as my best friend insulted you and broke you, okay, I did _nothing,_" he exclaimed. "And that was _months _ago, and it's taken me this long to work up the nerve to talk to you."

"You don't owe me anything," she said, in disbelief. "I'm the one that did all of the messing up—"

"That's not true."

"Kenny, I care about you, and you were the one person I didn't want to hurt, but that didn't stop me from breaking your heart—"

In a motion so fast she almost missed it, Kenny grabbed her hands, holding them in his. "Dawn, you didn't break me. I was upset, but I forgave you. A long time ago. I couldn't forgive myself."

Her mouth hung open, and all she could do was look from their hands into Kenny's face, back and forth until some sense of reason washed over her. She hadn't let anyone hold her or care about her like this since the Jewelry store incident except for Zoey. It was a missed feeling, and for some reason, it felt so right looking into the brown eyes of the boy she'd grown up with them, the one who'd fallen in love with her and the one that had enough forgiveness in his heart for a thousand men.

People say that you know love when it hits you—that you can always tell when you're in love with someone. Dawn would've told them that was a lie when she was eighteen, because she didn't believe her heart was big enough to love someone, and that no one's heart was big enough to love someone like her. But in that moment and on that night in May, holding Kenny's hands, something rang very loud and true in her head.

"You never stopped loving me, did you?"

He offered her a smile, so sincere and tender it made her heart skip a beat. "You can break my heart as much as you want, Dawn, and I'll be waiting." He paused. "It will always be you."

She stared, frozen, as he gave her hands a squeeze and got up to leave. What was this feeling? What was the warm feeling now bubbling inside of her, wanting to get out so fast and desperately? She looked at Kenny's back, which was walking further away from her with every passing second, out the door until God knows when. It was then she realized that this could be her defining moment, her moment to lay it all on the line and to risk everything for that _one person _that had always meant something more to her.

She couldn't let him leave, not before she said anything. She wouldn't.

"Kenny," she said, jumping out of her chair and running up to him. And as he turned around and looked her in the eyes, she knew. She knew there had always been a place in her heart for him.

And when she kissed him, all of the warmth filling her up cascaded over, rushing at breakneck speed to a destination that didn't exist, that didn't have to, because all that mattered was _here _and _now_ and the fact that she'd never felt this feeling before—a feeling most people would never know, and one she knew she'd only feel with one person in her lifetime. And when he kissed her back with all of the softness and longing in the world, she could see so clearly what she'd been missing all along. How the boy with the finger paint on his face had always known her, and could be both her best friend and the love of her life.

And when they pulled away and he looked her in the eyes, he knew. He knew the words she'd been thinking all along, the words that didn't have to be spoken, and the words she hadn't known until now.

_It was always you._

Frostbite happens when the weather outside is cold enough, and when we've left ourselves exposed to the harshness for long enough. Get inside quickly, cover up and warm up, and you might recover just fine. But stay in the harshness for any longer, and you risk losing more than you'd want to. A finger, a toe, the tip of your nose . . .

In Dawn's case, maybe even a heart.

Thankfully for her, there was always a source of warmth in her life. And it didn't just come from Kenny, or Zoey, or any one person.

Warmth came from love. The love of a lover, the love of a friend, and the love of herself.

_The End_

A/N: I can't begin to explain how much of a relief it is to have this fic finished, and how happy I am with how it ended. I hope you guys enjoyed the last and longest chapter of this—it was an absolute joy to write, and though I'll be the first to admit that at times this fic was a chore, I'm really proud of it. It's different from anything I've ever written.

Thank you, so much, to my readers and reviewers—whether this is your first time reading _Frostbite _or you've been with it from the start, I'm blessed to have so many people embark on Dawn's journey with me.

Blessings,

Vikki


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